Someone's Hero

I read an interesting quote today by Peter Cyote, he said:
"The idea of absolute freedom is fiction. It's based on the idea of an independant self. But in fact, there's no such thing. There's no self without other people... So the idea of behaving in a way that doesn't acknowledge those reciprocal relationships is not really freedom. It's indulgence."

I thought about this and thought how interesting it was. None of us are really independant, as much as we would like to think so. The thought came to me that even the old single man on the hill really isn't independant. He depends on others for certain needs in his life. This requires him to socialize if even on the most minute scale of life.

Do we really indulge ourselves so much as to think we are truely indepedant in every sense of the word? I would like to know what others think.

Okay, back to my title. So maybe I wasn't a hero, but people were saying my name and asking for my autograph. Well, truth be told, it wasn't me. I was 'Tony the Tomatoe' (aka. the Fazolli's mascot). It was a lot of fun to go out onto the basketball court and be an idiot without anyone realizing who you were. While it is something I would do anyway, I still had a blast.

Today in Crit, this boy said the most interesting thing. "Hey," he nudged. "She reminds me of a cat." All of this in reference to our Design:3D professor. She seemed so facinated by everything people hasd created. She would walk up to it, walk around it, 'paw' it and just seem so facinated. Then came the kicker, "I wonder if you dropped her if she would land on her back?" What kind of question is that? A rather funny one I must admit... Sorry Kay.

I did it. I talked to B and told him someone eventually would have to chose. Maybe not now, but somewere down the road. In few words, we are really good friends. I thought I was going to cry and then I gave it a second thought. Not there, not then (redundant?). Although, I am not sure I want to give up. He is fun and I feel comfortable with him. But is that worth a relationship risk? Maybe not...

On the other hand I was talking with K yesterday and she asked the strangest question. Out of no where comes, "Hey! Have you ever thought of dating N?" I thought to myself, "Um, yeah... I have only decided he is the coolest ever!" (Only a thought...) I felt terrible when she told me that he talked about me a lot on their date last week. If I were in her shoes, I would have been annoyed. The whole thing was just kind of random-o. We are, however, going snowshoeing on Saturday morning at the butt crack of dawn. YEAH!

I swear

Well, maybe I shouldn't swear... But honestly, I am a maganet for punks. Last night B came over and as we were talking he tells me he is "sort-of" dating someone... What is wrong with me? Just as I thought everything was going well, this happens.

Then he tells me he wants to see where things go with both of us. At first I thought whatever. But the more I think about it, the more I am not sure I am okay with it. Nor do I think I should be. It is either all or nothing... right?

I asked him if I could talk to him tomorrow and I think I am just going to articulate that sometime he is going to have to chose. While I like him, he is going to have to decide how much he likes me. While I don't mind going out with him, I don't want to be someone's ego trip.

It is funny, because I am okay in my own skin. I don't need to have 'someone' in my life to feel okay about myself. This morning I was telling my mother that I am becoming more and more apathetic toward this whole dating game. I just don't care anymore. Sure, it is fun to have someone to go out with, but I cannot let it define me.

A few of my first Tungsten lighting photos

Heaven?

Heaven

The Day That Would Never End

Have you ever gotten up in the morning an just felt it was going to be a rough day? This is what happened to me this morning...

I got up this morning 30 minutes late and my blow dryer wouldn't work... On my way to a meeting (I was 20 minutes late) everyone was going 5-10 miles under the speed limit. Granted the roads were a little wet, but if someone else wants to drive like an idiot, let them... Meeting went well, scheduled another one for Monday night (you'll figure it out in a minute [I wonder if I can write that word enough times]). We scheduled a photo shoot (I am EXTREMELY nervous!).

I got a bunch of stuff done in a few hours before I had to be in the studio. On my way to the studio I fell, not once, but three times... It was snowing a lot and I was in flip-flops (I know, my fault. But it wasn't snowing at my house this morning!). The second time I fell I hit my head on the sidewalk. After last nights grueling b-ball game (60-11, them) and today on the sidewalk, I am in a lot of pain. These are the moments when you wish you had a hot tub.

I fell twice in a matter of five feet and this guy just looked at me as he shoveld the walks... The second time everything went flying! Books to the right, food to the left and I just laid there. My body ached so bad... The third time this nice gentleman grabbed my bag and walked with me to the art building.

When I was i shooting B called. That was a happy moment. Then the sad news... He wasn't going to be able to come over tonight. Oddly enough this was what was getting me through the week, knowing that I would be able to be with him and just relax... He didn't want to completely give this other girl the shaft (even though he doesn't want to go out with her). Why he asked her in the first place is still a mystery to me...

While I was shooting the last of my pictures this statue fell. Kablewey! All over the floor... All I could do was shake my head and sigh. I cleaned it up and plan on SuperGlueing it back together this weekend.

I am going to go shopping now. Maybe someone will hit my car... Maybe it will die... Who knows what the rest of the day holds for me. But in the mean time, I plan to go spend someone else's money, buy some popcorn and ice cream, rent a movie, and curl-up on the couch.

Tomorrow will be a better day. It has to be... right???

New Fotos

Un dia super bueno

"Go ahead and justify your way to hell." -me

Uf! I have made it through half of the week. Tomorrow is Thursday, one day closer to pay day and the weekend. I want to go snowshoeing on Saturday morning in Ogden Canyon and I can't wait. I think the snow bug big me...

I am going to Capitol Hill tomorrow to lobby for Higher Education. Utah has a $1.5 billion surplus this year and the Guv wants to give people a $30 refund (mind you is costs the state $10 for each check... Stupid). We say the surplus needs to go to Higher Education, Public Education and Roads. It should be a fun day tomorrow. :)

I think Sue totally hates me... My first project was shot on the wrong kind of film and therefor I did not have anything to show at crit. Oh well. I had it done and I think I might revisist it for fun with slide film. It was fun to play with the Tungsten lights. I am set up to shoot on Friday and Saturday too. Wee-haw! As soon as I get them Shopped I will post some.

It took me all afternoon today to scan the two rolls I had, and I only scanned 34 photos. Eak! They are turning out well, but they are dustier than crap and it won't come off. Argh! The duster gun also tried to freeze them. Thankfully it did not harm them, as far as I can tell.

I am such a geek...

Genius!

"Creative people are constantly surprised. They don't assume that they understand what is happening around them, and they don't assume that anybody else does either. They question the obvious -- not out of contrariness but because they see the shortcomings of accepted explanations before the rest of usdo ."
- Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, psychologist

Life is great!

I woke up today and went out stick hunting. It is for my Design: 3D crit. I was up at Beus Pond at about 6:30 and the moon over the partially frozen pond was beautiful. Then the geese, swans and ducks all started to make a ruckus. None-the-less it was a nice way to start the morning and start my project.

Honesty is good

I had this opportunity to go see Switchfoot in concert last night at Park City. Not only one of my favorite cities in the entire world, but it was free. I almost went and then this boy talked me into not going and into going to the Jazz game. He had completely ticked me off the night before and was totally on the alter of forgiveness so I would go to the game. I told him I would rather go to Switchfoot with some other people because there I would not be insulted. He practically begged me and I felt bad because I had already committed to going.

The game was good. But the one of the reasons I went ended up being smeared into my face. This other girl was all over him and he was eating it up. He knows I am interested and she knows as well. EW! Girls are so evil. I was angered almost to the point of tears... WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?! Boys are stupid and probably one of the last things I need right now.

I was talking with Platey and it was probably one of the only things that kept me calm at that point. He is such a good friend. I am really greatful for him.

We all went to Beto's after the game, which was yummy as always. I was kind-of avoiding B and I think he realized I was not happy. When we dropped everyone off he came over to my house and told me how sorry he was. I told him it hurt and that I was not going to fight for something that I was going to have to compete for. In the process I explained how much I liked him and he told me the feelings were mutual.

The whole thing was weird for me because I normally have these 'honest' conversations over the phone or through IM (lame I know). It was the most honest face-to-face conversation I have had with a guy about this kind of stuff. Strangely, it felt really good to just be able to talk about things.

We talked for an hour and he seemed like the whole world was on his shoulders. I just listened while he talked and let out all his frustrations. He said he wants to see me more. We will see. I just have to remember boys are evil and should be trusted one small step at a time.

I met the person of my dreams...

He just doesn't know it yet...

Sometimes I feel like the shy girl in the hallway that watches that certain someone walk by. I see him, but he probably doesn't see me like I do him. He eyes shine as he laughs and his brown hair that curls. Something inside me stirs when he looks at me. I have thought about him everyday.

Today I went to His house, the big guy upstairs. The spirit was so calming for me, and I couldn't get him out of my mind. I want to see him everyday for the rest of my life. The big guy keeps telling me to have patience. Everything will come in its time.

There are 13 weeks of school left (I am not counting). The first two weeks of school have been okay, nothing earth moving for me yet. But anywho, I am looking forward to some adventures. Wee-haw!

So, I put myself out there on the Web. I am open to the scrutiny of others 24/7 on this singles Web site. At first it was fun becuase I got a lot of smilies. Then I put a photo on there and the smilies went down. :( It was kind-of crappy to see what people do when they can and can't see who you are. But, oh well. I am not looking to meet prince charming on the Web.

AMAZING!

Today was an amazing day. The Lord truely is wonderful in his creations. I went skiing at Snowbasin today and it marveled at everything. The human body, the mountains, the snow and the way the sun shines on your face.

Friday night I spent time with an amazing person. He and I talked about the wonders of God and how he blesses us to 'discover' things to heal us and extend our lives. The human body is so complex, yet so simple. It seems to function flawlessly and we oftentimes don'th think about what we do. We just do them and forget it is God who has created us and allows us that freedom.

I tell myself that if I can find someone like him, I will be happy forever. We laughed together, we were nerdy in public and I felt comfortable sharing with him things about my life I would never have thought to share with someone. I felt I could tell him everything and never have to worry about being judged. He is pure, smart and loving. I want to be a better person because I want to be with him. I want to be the girl that catches his eye and makes him never want to look anywhere else. He is great!

Lady Bugs!

"Francis, when I was a little girl I used to dig in the grass for hours looking for lady bugs. Finally I would get tired of looking and fall asleep in the grass. When I woke up, lady bugs were crawling all over me," Katherine said in her English accent.

"So what are you saying," Francis said.

Katherine only looked at her a raised her brow as if Francis should know what she was talking about. "So go work on your house and forget about the rest," Katherine said.

I find so many times in life this is true. We lose patience and try to force things into being. But what if it wasn't ment to be? For me, when I try to force things it ends in heartache. The other night as I watched this movie something clicked for me. It was wonderful to know that everything in its due time will come.

I received a surprise call this evening and it was wonderful. "B" asked me to go sleading on Friday. The only problem is that "N" and I are also going to go do something. I told "B" up front and he was cool with that. I am not quite sure how he got my number, but I don't know that I really care. He wanted it and found it.

I created this online profile so I could see Platey's profile. Somehow I have become intrigued with the people on it. It is an LDS singles site... bah! However, each person is unique and their personality radiates through what they post on the Internet.

It is so interesting that we are willing to put ourselves out there for millions of people to see and not fear it. The digital age has become part of our society and it is 'normal' to have something for everyone to see. Just like this blog. I am sharing a part of me with who-knows-who. It is great!

The Tabloid

Is this a newspaper or a tabloid? Are we here to do pure advertising? Or are we here to report on the happenings of the world?

I often ask myself these questions as I work in advertising and as I write stories. My vote is that this small paper is a tabloid. The people I sell advertising for seem to think we only do advertising and that being prepared with quality news stories is not a priority. These are the same people who stifle creative freedom and good journalists who are not afraid to ask. It was for that very reason they fired the best one they have had for years.

Maybe I sound judgemental, but is this the new wave of journalism? Are we so afraid to go out into the world and question the injustices that surround us? Do we fear the courts and law so much that we are not afraid to stand up to it?

The old days were good ones. Journalists out in the world sticking their noses into other people's business. This keeps out government straight and open. The governement manages to do a lot in secret because they have created these laws stating what is and isn't an open meeting. These people were elected by the public and therefor should be willing to make their decisions in front of the self same body.

I am a nosey person. I like to know everything and I remember important things. The government does not scare me. Throw me in jail, let me sit there for reporting the truth. New journalists are chickens. They have been raised so much on fear of the law.

Throw me away for the truth I say!

A great few days

These past few days have been great. I am gearing up to go back to school. Fifteen weeks and I will be thrown out into the real world hoping I have enough feathers in my hat to get hired somewhere. Chiors of angels sing and the villagers rejoice!

Today was testimony meeting and I was so nervous as I talked. I do not know where this came from because I cannot remember being that nervous since I had to share my testimony in Spanish for the first time in Chile. But I do know that The Church of Jesus Christ is the only true and living church on the earth today. Jesus Christ stands at the head and the Prophet Gordon B. Hinckley guides it here on earth through divine revalation. The Book of Mormon truely is another testament of Jesus Christ. It was translated by divine power through Joseph Smith the prophet.

On Wednesday I went country dancing and I saw him. It was strange, I did not feel butterflies or even nervousness. I think I know that I am done with him. It was good to see him and realize it. I walked right past him and didn't even say hi. That was probably really mean and I regret it know. I texted him later and we talked for a little bit. Maybe somewhere deep down I hope he surprises me and realizes what he missed out on.

Today we talked about forordenation in Sunday School. As we talked about some scriptures found in the Book of Abraham I began to think about what it must have been like in the Pre-Existence. Sometimes I wonder what I was thinking when I told the Lord I would do certain things. However, I told Him I would do them because it was something only I could give. Just like there are things in life only you can give.

The Lord knows each of us and he knows our needs. Don't ever give up or feel like you are alone. The Lord may not be able to physically hug you, but he is there. Each child of God is known by name. What a blessing to live and have the Gospel upon the earth at this time!