Open Door

"Opening your door to someone is in many ways a lot like opening your heart. It's not always easy. Some of us aren't used to opening up. It can hurt. But, we do what we can for our guests. We try to be hospitable giving them whatever they desire. Sometimes all you can do is help them feel better while they wait to return home. And soon enough the guest is gone, leaving us to move the couch, do the laundry, go back to our lives as usual. If that's possible."

Tonight I had some people over for Family Home Evening and it was so fun to have people over. Sometimes I am thankful I can come home to a quiet house, but there are days when I love just opening my door to others and making them feel at home in my house.

This whole open heart thing is new for me, but I am thankful for the people who let me open my door to them. I am a person who will do whatever I can to take care of my guests (within reason). And I know it won't always garner the results I am seeking. but I don't do it for the recognition. I do it because I know it is what God would have me do.

In speaking with a friend tonight he talked about how I always take care of others. And I have come to the conclusion that taking care of others is my way to dissipate the loneliness I feel sometimes. While I don't know if that is the best solution, it certainly makes me feel like I am of some use for a moment in time.

But like the quote, soon enough our guests are gone, and we are left to ourselves to contemplate the passings of the day. I am not sure that things ever return to 'life as usual', because I strive to learn something each day that will put me on the unusual path back to my Father in Heaven. So, if I live my life right that day, things aren't 'life as usual.'

I long to find that special someone in my life and perhaps through one of these activities to live my life out of the norm, I will find him.

"There's a little animal in all of us, and maybe that's something to celebrate. Our animal instinct is what makes us seek comfort, or maybe a pack to run with. We may feel caged. We may feel trapped. But still as humans we still can find ways to feel free. We are each others keepers. We are the guardians of our own humanity. And even though there's a beast inside all of us. What sets us apart from the animals is that we can think, feel, dream, love. And against all odds, against all instinct, we evolve."

It's about fighting to the end and it's about evolution; survival of the fittest; and seeking to be that change we seek to be in ourselves.

"Glorify who you are today, do not condemn who you were yesterday, and dream of who you can be tomorrow.”
~ Neale Donald Walsch

Perception

“People believe I am what they see Me as, rather than what they do not see. But I am the Great Unseen, not what I cause Myself to be in any particular moment. In a sense, I am what I am not. It is from the Am-notness that I come, and to it I always return.”
~Neale Donald Walsch

I have been thinking about 'perception' a lot lately; how I see me versus how other people see me.

In a conversation the other night a friend of mine complimented me on how 'great' I look. During the past three month I have lost nearly 30 pounds. But for me, I don't feel like I have changed much. I guess, however, when you don't see someone for a while and you've changed, they notice.

During our last leadership conference we worked on the feedback model and it was interesting to realize how people see me: Someone who stays in their cubicle too much, someone who needs to communicate more, someone who needs to be involved in the team more... Then, in my 90-day I got told I need to be more professional.

It is always interesting to see how other people see you. And then, it is interesting to see what you do with the feedback you've received. As I have made little changes in my life I have become more happy. Things are still a struggle at work, but it gets better because of my attitude and because I chose to do things.

People will always believe me to be what they see, and not what they cannot see. But they will never know what they don't see unless I open my heart and my life to allow them in. As I change, people will perceive the change and they will begin to see who I really am and not what they perceive me to be.

Hasty Generalizations

Converse Accident: (hasty generalization) the fallacy of considering certain exceptional cases and generalizing to a rule that fits them alone. Note that the fallacy of converse accident is the opposite of accident.

Does having one experience in our life determine how we react to all other experiences like it, but in different situations? Are we sometimes too quick to judge because "it was like that once before, so this must be the same thing"?

I find myself questioning things I do based on past experience. I also find myself reacting as I once reacted when I was ignorant to many things. And I am drawing the conclusion that I need to change because reactions based on the past are adversely affecting my relationships of today.

In Conference this last weekend Elder Wickman, of the Seventy, spoke about yesterday, today, and tomorrow. He talked about going back to Vietnam and expecting to find the war-ravaged country he knew as a soldier. Instead he found a country that was flourishing.

Do we go in to things expecting to find the memories of yesterday? Are you looking for yesterday and not enjoying today? Based on those experiences, are you making hasty generalizations?

"The drawing of a breath separates this world from the next," Elder Wickman said. This life is too short to live on past experiences and let them mar your potentially blossoming fields of tomorrow. The person we are today will be the same person we are in the next life.

Looking back on my potentially marring mistakes of yesterday, I may have missed out on the blossoming fields. I will never know if I don't make the effort to make it right, and in turn be given the opportunity to show the person I am today as I learn to change and become more Christ-like.

In FHE the other night, Melissa asked a question, "How does less equal more?"

For me, less criticism equals more love for those around me; less worldly influence equals more room for the influence of the Spirit in my life; less knowledge equals more faith and humility.

So, as I work to root the things I need less of out of my life, I find that my life is more fulfilling. In the process, I hope people will have patience with me and know that there are blossoming fields in sight.

Curiosity

"Seize the moment of excited curiosity on any subject to solve your doubts; for if you let it pass, the desire may never return, and you may remain in ignorance."

I put the question out to you, "Is curiosity a bad thing?"

Men

I read this article today entitled, "Too successful for a mate?" It was quite interesting. I will admit as I read through the first page, I thought to myself it was another article talking about the successful roles of women and why men are scared of them.

But when I got to the second page, I was a little surprised the article took a softer turn. The author asked, "So what's a girl to do? Review your expectations. (Hold on, I didn't say lower them. I said review them.)"

Review your expectations? Well, I should get what I want right? Right down to the Ph.D., perfect smile, and huge house! Really? Is that what you really want?

The author continues, "I abandoned the expectation of many "must-have" items in my years of dating before I met my husband. It's not that I couldn't find a man who possessed the right qualities, but it turned out they were irrelevant to a happy relationship. Was it crucial that my husband have a master's degree? No. Would it be a deal- breaker if he didn't love mountain biking as much as I do? No.

"In the end, common values and goals, generosity, intelligence, respect, a warped sense of humor and a mutual attraction floated to the top of the list. Nearly everything else on that list was negotiable, including income and educational attainment."

I have noticed as I get older the things that were once so important to me are no longer of the same importance. However, there are things which reign supreme for me.

Communication is a huge must! This doesn't mean he has to be perfect at it, but he must be willing to work on it. I believe so many problems can be avoided if people will communicate openly and honestly.

Another must for me is commitment. This is why so many of the women, in my opinion, are moving on with their lives and the men seem to be floundering around. Women are willing to commit and do. So many of the guys I meet lately say they want something and then when it comes down to it, they back out.

I am at a point in my life where I don't have the time or energy to chase. Reciprocating attention is something different because effort is made by both parties. I want to be pursued by someone who is willing to take the time to get to know me and in turn me get to know them.

So, while I do believe we may have to take another look at our "expectations", I believe guys need to get some guts to make a commitment and stop floating around in life and using excuses.

The Love of God

"What is the most desirable, delicious, and joyous to the soul?"

Bishop asked this question on Sunday during Relief Society. Someone said, "The Tree of Life." He said that wasn't what he was looking for, so I figured the answer was somewhere outside of the Vision of the Tree of Life.

Thinking about what was 'desirable, delicious, and joyous' to my soul I turned to the sweet fruits I have felt over the last few weeks. For me the sweetness came in my growing testimony of the enabling and strengthening power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ.

My thoughts were interrupted when he instructed us to turn to 1 Nephi 11:22-23. Nephi desired to see what is father saw in the Vision of the Tree of Life. As he is talking to the angel we learn the following about the Tree and Nephi's understanding of it:

22 And I answered him, saying: Yea, it is the ^alove of God, which ^bsheddeth itself abroad in the hearts of the children of men; wherefore, it is the ^cmost desirable above all things.

23 And he spake unto me, saying: Yea, and the most ^ajoyous to the soul.

In looking for an answer I allowed myself to complicate things and I missed the obvious answer I knew: The love of God is the most desirable, delicious, and joyous to the soul. Plain and simple.

This teaching was re-newed to me last night as I read through some scriptures in Alma. Aaron is teaching King Lamoni's father the gospel. As he taught him the gospel and expounded the teachings of the scriptures, Lamoni's father feels the spirit and asks:

" ^aWhat shall I do that I may have this eternal life of which thou hast spoken? Yea, what shall I do that I may be ^bborn of God, having this wicked spirit ^crooted out of my breast, and receive his Spirit, that I may be filled with joy, that I may not be cast off at the last day? Behold, said he, I will give up ^dall that I possess, yea, I will forsake my kingdom, that I may receive this great joy."

Aaron tells him all he has to do is repent, have faith and believe that he will receive and answer to his prayer, "then shalt thou receive the ^bhope which thou desirest."

Lamoni's father felt the love of God through this young missionary and was willing to give up everything he had to have more of it in his life. Feeling of this immense love, "he did minister unto them, insomuch that his ^bwhole household were ^cconverted unto the Lord."

When you feel the love of God in your life, you are able to help others feel the love of God in their lives. Once you are purified by His love, you will become that window to His love for all to see. When you are filled with His love, you will be filled with love for yourself.

So, I ask you:
- What does the love of God look like in your life?
- Do you personally feel the love of God in your life?
- When was the last time you felt His love?
- Have you felt it today?

If you struggle, as I have struggled, I share with you the council from Moroni:

"Wherefore, my beloved brethren, ^apray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true ^bfollowers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of God; that when he shall appear we shall ^cbe like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may be ^dpurified even as he is pure."

Bishop concluded, "When you get enough of the spirit in your life, the things that seemed to be important will fall out of your life, and you will be filled with the Holy Spirit and love of God."

To feel the love of God is the most worthwhile pursuit! If you feel like you have fallen face first on the ground (as I have done several times), it's OK. Get up and keep going. As you keep working toward perfection you look at yourself, and you will be able to see what God sees, and that is a beautiful son or daughter of God.

I'm Glad I Touched Shoulders With You

There's a comforting thought at the close of the day,
When I am weary and lonely and sad,
That sort of grips hold of my crusty old heart,
And bids it be merry and glad.
It gets in my soul and it drives out the blues,
And finally thrills through and through.
It is just a sweet memory that chants the refrain:
"I'm glad I touched shoulders with you!"
Did you know you were brave, did you know you were strong?
Did you know that you helped when I erred?
Did you know there was one leaning hard?
Did you know that I waited and listened and prayed?
And was cheered by your simplest word?
Did you know that I longed for the smile on your face,
For the sound of your voice ringing true?
Did you know that I grew stronger and better because
I had merely touched shoulders with you?
I am glad that I live, that I battle and strive
For the place that I know I must fill,
I am thankful for sorrows, I'll meet with a grin
What fortunes may send, good or ill.
I may not have wealth, I may not be great,
But I know I shall always be true,
For I have in my life that courage you gave,
When one I touched shoulders with you.

The Girl with the Target

Well, it's been a two-month roller coaster ride doing this whole Chose To Lose thing. So far I have conquered triumphant over something that has given me grief for a long time. I am happy to report that I have lost just over 20 pounds!

But April will take an interesting term as everyone's pestering has gotten our HR manager to reveal numbers. This puts a target on me because I am number one in weight loss (ahead by 1.2 pounds) and number two in activity minutes (slightly behind 53 min.).

Some things I have found as I have gone through this process:

- How good I feel about myself. When I put something on I feel pretty good everyday.

- My shoes fit different! I have extra room in them and I have discovered this bone on the inside of my ankles... Wow! I have also discovered some bones in my wrist...

- I never paid attention to inches coming off my waist until I wore some pants for the first time the other day and this belt went in three loops past where it normally goes.

- Eating big meals makes me feel really crappy now. My stomach has grown accustomed to eating small things.

- I still struggle eating only when I am hungry. When I go to the grocery store I have to be careful not to buy things I might pick at late at night (i.e. ice cream sandwiches... yum!).

All in all, I am happy with myself. Today I have been plotting out a plan of how I can keep going and get to my goal of 30 pounds. Sometimes I ask myself if I have it to lose, and the answer is, "You will never know until you do what you need to do to find out!"

So, here is to four weeks and counting!!!