Eat Pray Love

I found this video today. It occurred by accident, but perhaps it was something that I needed to experience.


This whole week I have been buried in my paper, and rightfully so. I finally found a direction and I am running toward it at full speed. But I am also paying a price. My body is tired and I am feeling sick. But today, with half of my paper down, I am starting to feel a little better. 


Perhaps in life we spend too much time doing what it is we think others want us to do. Or we think we will become content with our lives at some point and time. But will those things really bring us happiness?


I find that when I go back to basics, is when I find myself again. When I let go of what others want from me and go for what I want, I find the girl inside. In order to find balance, we must find ourselves. 


The journey to finding self is different for everyone. For some it is long. For others it is short. But if we stay on the path, we will find ourselves. 


There are others still who say that self is created, not found. I agree with them, but I also believe that journey to create involves some finding. In the movie Eat Pray Love one of the characters tells Liz that if she wants to get to the castle, she has to swim the mote. And who knows what is in the water of that mote ... But how bad do you want the castle? 


Henry David Thoreau is one of my heroes. He embodies finding simplicity in life. He sold everything he had and went to live in the middle of the woods. "I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived."

Perhaps some day I will be as brave as he, or as brave as Liz. But for now, I relish in finding simplicity and marking things off my bucket list one day at a time. For now, I relish in finding myself and perhaps sharing a little of my journey along the way.

Eat Pray Love

Until We Meet Again

They say that deaths come in three's. I hope I am done for a while. In the last two months I will have attended three funerals. The famed British poet and painter, David Harkins, once penned:

You can shed tears that she is gone,
or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back,
or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see her,
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her only that she is gone,
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind,
be empty and turn your back.
Or you can do what she'd want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

Two family members and a former athlete have passed the rhelms of this life into another sphere. One of them was sudden, one was expected, and the other the result of a terrible accident. They lived great lives and blessed those who were around them with their presence. 

It is interesting to ponder over our lives and ruminate over what we have made of our time on this earth. When you leave this life, what will people say about you? What will you have accomplished? 

I am not talking about grand and glorious things, but the small and simple things. Who were you as a friend? Who were you as a son, as a daughter? Who were you as a sister, or brother? What kind of worker were you? Did people know you believed in God? Did they know you loved the Gospel?

What will people remember YOU for? When you stand naked, in a sense, before your Heavenly Father with no one else around you, what will be the sum of your life?

Paul, writing to the Hebrews, said, "Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the ^asin which doth so easily ^bbeset us, and let us run with ^cpatience the race that is set before us, Looking unto Jesus the ^aauthor and ^bfinisher of our faith;"

Earlier Paul wrote to the Corinthians, "Know ye not that they which run in a race run all, but one receiveth the prize? So run, that ye may obtain. And every man that striveth for the ^amastery is ^btemperate in all things. Now they do it to obtain a corruptible ^ccrown; but we an ^dincorruptible. I therefore so run, not as uncertainly; so fight I, not as one that beateth the air: But I ^akeep under my ^bbody, and bring it into subjection: lest that by any means, when I have preached to others, I myself should be a castaway."

We are to run with patience the race that is before us and we are also to remember that there is a prize at the end. When the scripture says that "one" will receive the prize I think about our talents. I can't imagine that there is only "one" prize or that only a select few will make it to the presence of God, but he does state, "But with some I am not well pleased, for they will not open their ^amouths, but they hide the ^btalent which I have given unto them, because of the ^cfear of man. Wo unto such, for mine ^danger is ^ekindled against them. And it shall come to pass, if they are not more faithful unto me, it shall be ^ataken away, even that which they have."

If we don't find, develop, and share our talents here on earth, it will be taken away from us and the prize we could have had in the end will not be ours. I don't know about you, but when I am running a race I will not only finish it, but I will obtain something for it (even if it is just the satisfaction of knowing I finished).

This is a race that will require everything of us if we run it right. I want to say with President Kimball that I will crawl bloody to the end for the cause for which I set out to do. You never know what will happen to your life ... So live every day to its fullest so that even though the dash may be short on your tombstone, it will represent a life fully lived with love, service and Christ-like virtues.

Let Go

I fell in love with this song a few years back when I was at a dance competition photographing. It never donned on me that Imogen Heap (Frou Frou) sang it until I was watching The Holiday today. I don't know what it is about this song that draws me in, but it does.

Tonight I did something I should have done a while ago. There was a particular number in my phone that needed to go. So, I deleted them.

It was one of those, "yeah, I'm interested in a second date." So, you wait ... And wait some more ... But I haven't heard from him in more than two weeks, so I am done waiting.

Why can't people just be honest. If you're interested great. If not, then say so. You part your separate ways and life goes on without expectation.

But I am done chasing. I am done waiting. I have things to do and when that person comes along in my life, great. But until then I am not sitting at home on my hands.

So, today I let go. I jumped in. And I am moving on :)

Wonderfulness

A little more than a week ago I made an awesome decision. I will admit that I have reached for my phone or awakened my computer to randomly check my facebook, but it has been nice not being so attached. It is interesting to see who stays, or wants to stay, in contact.

My life has had more than the change of social networking. My favorite great uncle passed away last week. Today we buried him and it was interesting. Our family isn't the closest ... We have our fair share of issues ... But today we came together and "appeared" like the family I believe our Grandma Naomi would have wanted us to be.

I did my best to appease both sides and to be Christ-like. It is a challenge sometimes because I forget for a moment and get lost in the poking and pointing fingers. Then the Spirit gently nudges me and reminds me of my greater purpose. Our family may not be the most unified, but it doesn't need to be divided any further with me.

All this weekend I have been praying for help. Today it came to me that I don't have to agree with what is going on, but I don't get to be a snob about it either. I don't need to be friends with those who seek to harm the family unity, but I don't get to snub them either. They are children of God with struggles just the same as any of the rest of us.

A few days past the funeral I realized the simple graces of God. I prayed for peace all weekend. I prayed for my family. I pray that contention would not destroy the reason we had come together.

While I did not recognize it immediately, in speaking with a friend I realized my prayers had been answered. There were no confrontations. There was no bickering. Just memories of a man who had touched our lives no matter how long or how brief.

God does answer our prayers. In the same breath, we have to do our part. He lives. He loves us. He will answer. In the scriptures we find more than 130 time "Ask and ye shall receive, Seek and ye will find, Knock and it will be opened unto you."

Do you believe??

Art in Me

My final project for COML502 - Leadership & Imagination. Enjoy!

My decision to step away ...

In the summer of 2006 I was writing a story on internet gambling. I wanted to get some sources from youth who were participating, albeit illegally, in this growing phenomenon. During my search I came across this new kind of networking Web site called Facebook.

Now, four years ago it was limited to college students who had a campus e-mail. You had to be a student. Perfect! It was just what I was looking for.

So I signed up and started to search for people. I didn't really do much with it other than pass the info along to our political reporter because it might be something they should look in to. Candidates were recruiting college students to work on their campaign so they could use the site to get younger voters out. Wow!

Then the site started to open up and suddenly I had all kinds of former high school acquaintances who wanted to "connect". To date I have 639 friends. I don't talk to 95% of them ... I have a page for my photo business. It gets decent hits ...

But over the past week I have been thinking about things that take up time in my life that don't need to. Today I was listening to a talk by Sheri Dew and she asked a poignant question: What is your favorite sin? Facebook came to mind, but I pushed it away thinking how on earth could it be a sin??

Then tonight happened. I received some wonderful council and again the prompting about my account. So, Facebook and I are parting ways. I don't know if this will be permanent or if it will be temporary. In his book Media Unlimited Todd Gitlin wrote, "Crucially, who we are is ow we live our time - or spend it" (2007, p.19).

In The Rule of St. Benedict there is a chapter that speaks of obedience. We are taught, "The first rule of humility is unhesitating obedience", "If you hear [His] voice today, do not harden your heart", "It is high time for us to arise from sleep", and "... every time you begin a good work, you must pray to [Him] most earnestly to bring it to perfection."

I have to get my Capstone Project done and I also need to rid myself of things that will take away from the time I need to dedicate to it. So, don't be offended because we are "friends" anymore. I have things to do and a race to run, my course is set. My very sage cousin said, "If they are really your friend, they will know how to get a hold of you." Amen!

My blogs will still stay active, although not entirely maintained. I will still continue my Web site for my photography business. My phone will stay active as will my e-mail. But don't come looking for me on Facebook after Sunday night because I won't be there.

Information:
Web site: www.aiphotographydesign.com
Blog: fotoangel.blogspot.com (about life and inspiration) or brandyszagjourney.blogspot.com (updates on my Capstone Project)
E-mail: brandyalee@gmail.com
Cell: message me if you want it or get it from someone else :)

It's been fun. It most certainly has been real. But the time it has taken away from me hasn't been real fun. Another sage person wrote in lyric:

Well the truth, well it hurts to say
I'm gonna pack up my bags and I'm gonna go away
I'm gonna split, I can't stand it
I'm gonna give it up and quit and aint never coming back

Girl but before I get to going, I've got to say,
I know you used to love me but that was yesterday,
And the truth, I won't fight it,
When the love starts burning you got to do what's right.

Woh-oh lover, lover lover, you don't treat me no good no more,
Woh-oh lover, lover lover, you don't treat me no good no more,

Well the truth, yeah it hurts to say,
I'm gonna pack up my bags and I'm gonna go away,
I'm gonna split, I can't stand it,
I'm gonna give it up and quit, ain't never coming back

Girl but before I get to going, I've got to say,
There was a time, oh woman, when you used to shake it for me,
but now, all you do is just treat me cold,
Ain't gonna take it no more, gonna walk out the door,

Lover, lover lover, you don't treat me no good no more,
No good no more more more more
Lover, lover lover you don't treat me good no more,
Yeah yeah yeah yeah

[Background: Lover, lover lover you don't treat me no good no more]
(repeated in unison with rest of song and to end)

Well I'd wait up for you almost every night
and I'm hurting so bad cause you don't treat me right
Oh woman, oh woman you know I love you so
but you're so mean to me baby, I'm walking out the door,
Oh lover, oh lover, yeah-yeah

No good no more more more more

I know you used to love me in every way
but now im giving it up, and I'm tired of crying babe
I can't stand it no longer, it hurts me to say,
but I'm packing up my bags and going far away,
Hey lover, oh lover yeah-yeah

Lover, lover lover, you dont treat me no good no more
Lover, lover lover, you dont treat me no good no more
(you dont treat me good no more)
Lover, lover lover, you dont treat me no good no more
(you dont treat me good no more)
Lover, lover lover, you dont treat me no good no more

See you on the other side!

Death

During the past three weeks I have lost two of my favorite great uncles. They weren't my favorite because I spent a great deal of time with them, or because they spoiled me; they were my favorite because they inspired me.

My Uncle Marv slipped silently into death on a Friday morning sometime between 4-6 a.m. We was healthy, he was just as witty as ever, he was 69 and still working doing hard labor. He loved his family and he always has something to say that would bring a smile to your face even if you were having a crappy day. If you were down in the dumps around him, it was your own fault.

Marv has spent the last 15 years in Colorado, but the influence he has had on my life felt much closer than the mile that separated us. He was a hard worker. We always said he would work himself to death. In December he was going to retire and finally enjoy life. But it seems that God had other plans for him. His work will be of a different kind in a different sphere. 

My Uncle Doc didn't have such a peaceful exit from this world. He spent the last two weeks in the hospital while they tried to figure out what was wrong with him. After sending him home, this morning he breathed his last breath and also slipped into an eternal rest.

Uncle Doc was the reason I wanted to be a veterinarian. He healed animals all over the surrounding area of Oakdale. I remember going to California to visit my dad and going up to Doc's house. As a little girl I would go into his medicine room and I remember being amazed at the refrigerators full of medicine and that each of them had the potential to heal a certain ailment. He watched from inside the house as I spent hours in his pool swimming and enjoying the water.

My dad wanted to go out and see Doc this weekend. But I couldn't and perhaps things work out for the best. The last time I saw him was when we went to an award ceremony in California. They were honoring him for all he had done in the Oakdale area. It was a wonderful time and awesome to be there with him and my family. Perhaps we will have one last opportunity to go out there and see those with whom he associated.

The passing of those who are dear to you causes you to reflect. It causes you to take an inventory of your life. These two experiences are in contrast of the swiftness from which we can leave this life and knowing that your time on earth is coming to an end.

What will people say about you when you are gone? Are you living the life you want to live while you can? What would you change about your life in order to become the person you want to be? When will you change? Will it be too late before you do?

And perhaps the most important thoughts: When all is said and done, will you be satisfied knowing you accomplished everything you were sent here to do? When you are standing naked, in a sense, before God, will he speak the words, "Well done thou good and faithful servant. Thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things"?