A few weeks ago I stood and gave a lesson in Gospel Doctrine entitled "To This End I Was Born". The lesson itself focused on the last day of the life of Christ. It also talked about Peter, his zealous testimony, the prophesy of his denial, and what he went through when the prophesy was realized.
While I was preparing the lesson that morning I was called, I felt a particular pull to the story of Peter. I am not sure why, but today I believe I understand. We talked about many things in the class, but most of all we talked about dedication, testimony, and staying firm in the gospel.
In Matthew 26:31-35 we read:
Then saith Jesus unto them, All ye shall be a because of me this night: for it is written, I will b the c, and the sheep of the flock shall be scattered abroad.
But after I am a again, I will go before you into Galilee.
Peter answered and said unto him, Though all men shall be offended because of thee, yet will I never be a.
Jesus said unto him, Verily I say unto thee, That this night, before the cock crow, thou shalt deny me thrice.
Peter said unto him, Though I should die with thee, yet will I not deny thee. Likewise also said all the disciples.
I love the zeal of Peter's testimony! He states he is willing to die with the Savior. All this while, he was walked with Christ, preached of Christ, and witnessed the miracles of Christ. How could he deny the Master? In that moment his love for the Savior would out-power all, even the denial or being offended to know Christ.
And Peter did stand strong. In John 18:10 we read:
Then Simon Peter having a sword drew it, and smote the high priest’s servant, and a off his right ear. The servant’s name was b.
In that moment ...
Jesus chides Peter, heals the servant, then allows himself to be taken. I often think about the powerful lesson He teaches here. Standing strong in our testimony of Christ, or defending him, is not about violence. It's about love. It's about healing the wounded soul. It's about giving Living Water to the thirsty traveler.
In this teaching moment, Jesus said, "Thinkest thou I cannot now pray to my Father, and he shall presently give me more than twelve legions of angels?" The Bible Dictionary tells us that a legion in the Roman army consists of about 6,000 men and a contingent of cavalry. That would be an impressive sight, 72,000 angels and an impressive contingent to save Him.
Where were you? Would you have been on the front lines? What if these men who were abusing Jesus in the last hours of His life had seen your face through the veil? Would they see your testimony burning bright?
But again, this is the love of God being manifest. In the beginning Christ said, "Here am I, send me" (Abr. 3:27), and he is still the volunteer today. He drank of the bitter cup for you and I, for the co-worker you can't stand, for the criminal in jail, for the mother who just lost her child, for the teenager who is struggling with life itself. He loved us enough, in fact more than we will ever comprehend perhaps.
Do we love Him? How will we show our love for our Brother who made the sacrifice that you and I might live again in the presence of God?
When Christ was taken, most of his disciples "forsook him, and fled." But not Peter and John. They followed him. We read further in Matthew 26:69-75:
Now Peter sat without in the palace: and a a came unto him, saying, Thou also wast with Jesus of Galilee.
But he denied before them all, saying, I know not what thou sayest.
And when he was gone out into the porch, another maid saw him, and said unto them that were there, This fellow was also with Jesus of Nazareth.
And again he denied with an oath, I do not know the man.
And after a while came unto him they that stood by, and said to Peter, Surely thou also art one of them; for thy speech a thee.
Then began he to curse and to swear, saying, I know not the man. And immediately the a crew.
And Peter remembered the word of Jesus, which said unto him, Before the cock crow, thou shalt a me thrice. And he went out, and wept bitterly.
President Gordon B. Hinckley said:
“My heart goes out to Peter. So many of us are so much like him. We pledge our loyalty; we affirm our determination to be of good courage; we declare, sometimes even publicly, that come what may we will do the right thing, that we will stand for the right cause, that we will be true to ourselves and to others.
“Then the pressures begin to build. Sometimes these are social pressures. Sometimes they are personal appetites. Sometimes they are false ambitions. There is a weakening of the will. There is a softening of discipline. There is capitulation. And then there is remorse, followed by self-accusation and bitter tears of regret. …
“… If there be those throughout the Church who by word or act have denied the faith, I pray that you may draw comfort and resolution from the example of Peter, who, though he had walked daily with Jesus, in an hour of extremity momentarily denied the Lord and also the testimony which he carried in his own heart. But he rose above this and became a mighty defender and a powerful advocate. So, too, there is a way for any person to turn about and add his or her strength and faith to the strength and faith of others in building the kingdom of God” (“And Peter Went Out and Wept Bitterly,”
Ensign, Mar. 1995, 2–4, 6).
Perhaps we, like Peter, are powerful, determined, and devoted. However, we also have a tendency to overestimate our ability to resist temptations. Through our many experiences in life, we vow we will never commit that sin again, we will never fall away from the Church, with tears in our eyes we declare our testimony, like Peter, that we will always stand firm.
This lesson is finely illustrated in Alma 39. Alma speaks to his rebellious and immoral missionary son. He chides him for not hearkening to the counsel like his brothers had done. He states, "Now this is what I have against thee; thou didst go unto boasting in thy strength and wisdom" (Alma 39:4, emphasis added).
We like Alma's son may say: Just this once won't hurt, I am strong enough, It's never happened before, and many other like statements. But Brother Ted L. Gibbons reminds us, "We are not nearly as strong and smart as we thing we are, and we are waging war against a being of frightening intellect who has been perfecting his craft for 6,000 years. We are not sufficiently bright and tough to take him on. Our safety is not in our own power and wisdom, but in our obedience.
So, we messed up. Now what? Do we give up and walk away? Or do we remember the words of President Hinckley who said Peter "rose above this and became a mighty defender and a powerful advocate. So, too, there is a way for any person to turn about and add his or her strength and faith to the strength and faith of others in building the kingdom of God."
Brad Wilcox, a former Mission President in the Santiago East Mission, writes in his book The Continuous Atonement, "Repenting and remaking broken covenants allows us to feel a deep sense of gratitude to the Lord. In those moments of struggle, our needs are accentuated. When we experience our own Gethsemanes, we truly begin to value Christ's. When we recognize our own weakness, we stand in awe of his strength."
He then goes on to tell a story, A Lesson in Marble. A missionary called him, his words filled with emotion, and said he needed to speak with him. This young man was a leader, a happy missionary who loved to share the gospel. An appointment was set.
When he arrived, he said, "I made a big mistake."
Right then President Wilcox's mind he started to go through all the possible scenario's. He imagined every possible thing that could affect this Elder's upcoming honorable release.
"I read The Miracle of Forgiveness," he said.
President Wilcox laughed. "Reading the words of President Kimball is far from being a mistake."
"But I now realize that there are things I did when I was younger that I should have confessed and never did. There were times when things went a little farther than what I actually told my bishop."
President Wilcox listened. Nothing was so grievous that it would have affected his worthiness to serve a mission or enter the temple. But those past sins were affecting him and his feelings of worthiness. They needed to be confessed.
He said, "When I was younger I guess I just thought that these sins weren't all that big a deal, but the closer I get to the Lord, the worse I feel about them."
President Wilcox explained that what he was feeling was a very normal and natural step in his spiritual maturity - one through which we all pass. His repentance and full confession were healthy indicators that he was indeed drawing closer to God and the Savior.
"But President, I look back and see so many flaws. I remember all I have done and feel so ashamed and hypocritical. I know Jesus takes the sins away, but it is the memory of them that bothers me."
President Wilcox then remembered something he had heard years earlier and retrieved a small marble egg from the shelf. He said, "Look at the marble. Isn't it beautiful?"
The elder nodded in agreement.
"What makes it beautiful is not that it is free from imperfections. If it were clear and white, with no flaws, it would look plastic and artificial. The marble is beautiful and useful because of the dark veins, not in spite of them. When we repent, our sins are gone, but the memories linger, just like these dark lines. However, as we keep our covenants and experience the sanctifying influence of the Spirit, it is as if those dark lines are polished over time. They actually become part of our beauty."
Nephi was not beautiful and useful to God just because he would "go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded" (Nephi 3:7), but because he could remember being a "wretched man" easily beset with "temptations and ... sins" (2 Nephi 4:17-18). Alma was not beautiful and useful to Christ just because of his diligence in preaching repentance unto others (see Alma 4:19-20; 8:15-16; 13:21, 27), but because he could remember needing repentance himself (see Mosiah 27:2-19; Alma 36:11-17).
Through the Atonement our flaws will become part of our beauty. But we have to be willing to hand over our sins, our wills, our lives, everything we have, to Him. Because indeed, those are the only things we have that are not His.
We have a choice. The road to discipleship is not an easy or comfortable road as Elder Neal A. Maxwell reminds us. To stay on the path we must be obedient and nourish our seeds of faith and testimony. We will not become a powerful Peter overnight, but through our diligence and obedience, giving head to the commandments of God we will become powerful like Peter "in the strength of the Lord."
Whatever it is today that is hindering you, let it go. Pray for understanding. Seek for truth in the scriptures. Attend your meetings with diligence and a determination to learn something. Seek the counsel of your leaders. They have been called and set apart to bless your life and will help to keep you from the treacherous paths.
May you remember how much you are loved.
