Life's lessons

There are times in life when lessons come, whether hard or easy. You may bring them on yourself, or they may come as a surprise.

The lessons learned are interesting and oftentimes wonderful (if you look at it the right way). They teach us much about who we are and the people we associate ourselves with.

It is so intriguing how the Lord chooses to teach us. We are all unique and feel and learn in different ways. He knows that and is able to help us individually. I think this is one of the many things that amazes me about the gospel and about our Heavenly Father. He not only knows each of us individually, but he knows how to teach and guide us.

Recognizing how He does so will be ever so important in our future. President James E. Faust said in the January Ensign, "In the future the opposition will be more subtle and more open... We will need greater spirituality to perceive all of the forms of evil and greater strength to resist it."

While I was re-reading his talk there was something that stuck out to me. He said, "Satan became the devil by seeking glory, power, and dominion by force."

In thinking about this phrase, I think about the way we teach, especially our children. Are we teaching them? or are we trying to force them to do something?

This is the great difference between the plan of Jesus Christ and Satan's. Christ sought to teach us, Satan sought to force us. What are we doing in our lives?

Elder Jeffery R. Holland said, "For each of us to "come unto Christ," to keep His commandments and follow His example back to the Father is surely the highest and holiest purpose of human existence. To help others do that as well - to teach, persuade, and prayerfully lead them to walk that path of redemption also - surely that must be the second most significant task in our lives. Perhaps that is why President David O. McKay once said, "No greater responsibility can rest upon any man [or woman] than to be a teacher of God's children.""

We need each other to strengthen and teach.

Tonight I ran into an acquaintance. He was recently called to be a Gospel Doctrine Teacher. In the process of the conversation, he said he was intimidated because it was a class full of RM's and people who have roamed the earth lots longer than he has. I told him not to fret because it would be great preparation for his mission.

In that time, it came to me how sometimes we get comfortable in the gospel and stop remembering the basics. On the mission there are many people who think they know all the answers, and it is good for them to be taught by someone who may not be as versed. This helps us as members to remember the simple links that lead to the greater knowledge and the windows of heaven opening to us.

President Gordon B. Hinckley said, "Effective teaching is the very essence of leadership in the Church."

How important it is to allow us to be taught the important lessons in life, then in turn becoming as Nicodemus said to the Savior early in his ministry, "Rabbi, we know that thou art a teacher come from God."

I wish

There I times I would like my verbal words to be as well placed as my written words.

Many times I say stupid things (like yesterday at work), but when I write things down the world seems to make more sense. There is something powerful and intriguing about words.

When I talk, not a whole lot makes sense. But when I write, the world opens before my eyes. I feel there is something I am better able to share when my fingers hit the keyboard or touch a pen to paper.

Or perhaps I wish I could express my feelings inside more effectively...

Shut Your Eyes

Shut your eyes and think of somewhere
Somewhere cold and caked in snow
By the fire we break the quiet
Learn to wear each other well

And when the worrying starts to hurt
and the world feels like graves of dirt
Just close your eyes until
you can imagine this place, you're our secret space at will

Shut your eyes, I spin the big chair
And you'll feel dizzy, light, and free
And falling gently on the cushion
You can come and sing to me

And when the worrying starts to hurt
and the world feels like graves of dirt
Just close your eyes until
you can imagine this place, you're our secret space at will

Shut your eyes

Shut your eyes and sing to me (Shut your eyes and sing to me)

New Steps and raw emotions

The last few days have been a struggle for me. There are lots of new things that have been happening in my life and I have wanted someone to share them with.

The one person I wanted to spend time with for the holidays, I really couldn't and doors weren't opened that I could. I felt kind-of bad and I sat home Christmas night feeling sorry for myself while everyone else went out.

I started a new job on Tuesday and it was a nice distraction from everything that I was feeling. The hard part is when I come home to my family. There is nothing wrong with my family... It is just nice to talk to someone on your same thinking plane.

I looked forward to his call yesterday, but only got a text about New Years. On top of that I had to deal with my family asking about Christmas presents and their reaction.

I think their reaction was what got to me, because Christmas isn't about things. That is maybe the one thing I don't like about this time of year, because people are more focused on the physical and not the spiritual. Christmas is about a little baby boy being born to this earth who saved us from Hell. It was in those moments I wanted nothing more than for him to be there with me, and in reality, that is all I wanted for Christmas.

What is happening to me? Not being able to see him or really talk to him has been hard. He has also been distant when he does text me.

I have never really experienced these feelings and I don't know what is going through his mind, if anything, because he won't talk to me. Maybe he doesn't want to... I want to know him, but maybe that isn't enough.

Why do tears come to my eyes?

I have to be strong...

Words and Transitions

I find it interesting how one word can make a difference in a sentence or how you feel about something. In the last week I have been cognoscente about it and I have pondered on it.

Words are powerful. They have started and stopped wars; brought together and broken homes and friendships; brought new meaning to a book or experience; and many other things.

I find it interesting how small the vocabulary of society has gotten because of technology. We find less time to read because we are watching our favorite show, sports event or playing video games (although not a generalization because there are some who balance their time).

Ezra Loomis Pound, an American poet, critic and translator, once said, "Properly, we should read for power. Man reading should be man intensely alive. The book should be a ball of light in one's hand."

One day I want to have a library in my house. It will contain a variety of books and will also serve my family. I hope to instill a love of learning in my children that was instilled in me. It is so important to never stop learning.

Voltair said, "The instruction we find in books is like fire. We fetch it from our neighbors, kindle it at home, communicate it to others, and it becomes the property of all."

The knowledge we gain can be used for so much good. We don't all have the same talents and and we don't all have the same interest to research the same subjects. That is not to say we don't want to know about everything. So, as we study and gain knowledge, we are able to share pieces with others.

Our knowledge allows us to make those transitions in our lives more easily. With our knowledge we become valuable and indispensable.

Today is my last day at the Deseret Morning News. It has been a good experience and I am glad I have been able to work here.

The Lord has guided my path in every step. All the jobs I have had, there was something I was supposed to learn or experience. There are people I have met a long the way that have changed my life and given me cause for reflection.

On Tuesday I will make a transition into the real world. It will be my first contracted, full-time job ever. Over the years of my life I have gone from year to year, job to job, and have never really settled down anywhere.

This will be both a transition in my work career and in my life. It is a little nerve racking, but I have always been able to adapt and let my fear become a positive for me.

One thing that maybe makes me a little nervous is this will be another create-a-position job. I will also be working for a head-strong person who is used to having a lot of control. It will be a delicate balance of knowing how to take certain tasks away from him.

All in all I believe there will be some exciting changes in my life and in the future. I am learning a lot about myself, my weaknesses and areas I need to improve in to be the instrument the Lord needs me to be.

A Night In Jail

A night in jail proves to be pretty boring... I don't know how people can stand it, or would go back after being there once... Argh!

Gingerbread Homes

YSA gingerbread house making activity

The coolest gingerbread house... and some frosting fighting...

Expectations

It is funny how there are times when we expect people to do something; and when they don't we get miffed.

I was thinking about this earlier this week as I was making a bed at my grandma's house. It was a queen sized bed with lots of fluffy stuff, a real struggle.

As I was wrestling with the bedding, Trevor was playing games on the computer not a foot away. I thought to myself that he should get up and help, he should 'know' that I need help.

It was in that moment I had to chuckle because I thought about the movie "The Breakup." Jennifer Aniston's character expects her boyfriend to do all of these things and 'know' there are certain things you do to make other people happy.

I must admit I was annoyed by the movie because she expected him to have some kind of telepathic powers. Everything was his fault even though he didn't know what he was doing wrong. He wasn't being very nice and she was being stupid. It is a classic communication break-down scenario.

It only took me a short moment to realize I was being her. I had to change my thought process and realize I never asked him to help me; it wasn't something that was important to him in that moment; and I can expect that he has been raised the same way I have.

We all come from different stations in life. We don't know someone else has a need that needs to be fulfilled unless they say something.

Be careful of your expectations if you haven't talked about them; and when someone doesn't meet them, be patient and talk about it.

Want

What is it that makes us want something? What drives that desire?

I have been thinking about this today and things that have come up in my life. There are things I want so bad my teeth ache and other things I think I will be ready for at some point, just not right now.

This job I have been through the gauntlet for has consumed my thoughts to a degree. I felt good about it from the beginning and I continue to feel I would do well there. It is a strange phenomenon.

There are other things I have wanted that I will not discuss in detail here. Sometimes, I guess, it is that carnal person inside of us. Things get stirred up for us in our minds and one thing takes over another. It is during these times I have to keep my spiritual goals in mind.

I just have to remind myself of the scripture in Nephi that says to be carnally minded is death and to be spiritually minded is life eternal (the SMILE scripture).

Interview #3

I have made it through the gauntlet of interviews. The only thing that is in my way of finishing is a 5 foot gap to jump over and two swinging blades.

Scott Parson and Linda (John Parson's Asst.) were great to interview with. It was more of a conversation and I was in there about 30 min.

I found out I would be basically pioneering this position. Scott has never had an assistant before... But that is OK. Pioneering is not new to me.

When I was asked about office gossip, I had mentioned it was something that I am dealing with right now. Scott's eyes lit up and we chatted awhile about that. What was good is that is gave me a chance to show that I can be positive and politically correct.

My photography skills, Spanish skills and versatility all seemed to work in my favor. That ability to work across a broad spectrum of people I believe will play well for me.

The other thing that made me really happy is he said I did really well on my press release. I was hoping that would be the case because it was almost identical to his (although I had not seen it previously). Although, I must say I was a little nervous about it because there wasn't a lot of information.

At any rate, I felt good about it and that we all connected somehow. When I left Ryan had mentioned that I was in there a while. I hope that is a good thing, showing that the conversational interview was a success.

Versatility

Versatility is power; it is a key; it is what keeps life interesting.

I have always striven to gain this in my life. Constant learning is one way I have been able to do this. By keeping up on news, politics and talking with a wide variety of people, I am able to converse with a wide variety of people.

The difference between my father and mother is stark. It is a wonder they got together in the first place. My father is a down-to-earth, "I live life the way I want to", bucket of knowledge. Then there is my mother, who is city girl, moving up the corporate ladder, focus on what I have in front of me.

Between the two of them, I have learned a delicate balance between two worlds not many people experience. I can be out in a scrap yard shooting the bull with workers and later on be in a meeting with the Board of Trustees at a university talking about budgets and upcoming strategies.

If people can learn this balance, I believe they will have so much more advantage when it comes to getting a job. This is one of the reasons I have never had a problem finding a job. I can work and adapt anywhere.

Adaptation is also very important. Not every environment is the same, not all people (management, co-workers, professors, etc.) are the same. We all have our own quirks and things that are important to us. Bosses will have different demands; co-workers will have different expectations; and in order to make a more harmonious relationship, we need to learn about those things that make each person unique.

Many times, these things involve doing your homework. Find out about people. What are their interests? What things can they bring to the table? Or how can they become more of an asset?

In her book, 'Pitch Like A Girl', Ronna Lichtenberg said: "The more you understand about their background, their goals, and their challenges, the more clearly you'll be able to articulate what they stand to gain by supporting you. People pay more for ideas, products, and services that fit their needs precisely. The more you know about those needs, the better a tailor you can be."

She goes on to point out: "Sometimes... We don't want to have to adapt to their business style and pay attention to their business needs. Why can't they, for once, adapt to us, be sensitive to our needs?

"... [However,] You may give up feeling good and groovy in any given moment, but what you get back in the trade-off is worth it: some power and control in the professional situation."

(For any given situation, you can replace 'business' with whatever word suits you best.)

There are obviously benefits for doing your homework. It will get you ahead in whatever you are doing. And I don't mean ahead in the job, but it can get you ahead in personal relationships or other related things.

One example I have from a few months ago is an e-mail I got from a boy. I had met him two weeks previous. In that brief moment, we had a nice conversation. In the end, however, we walked away without exchanging phone numbers.

I thought about it briefly over the next few weeks and figured I wouldn't ever see him again. Then I got the e-mail. He was asking me out and I thought "What the heck? Why not?"

We set up a date and over the course a week, I did some research. Being a journalist I have access to some databases and I looked him up. Unfortunately, I didn't find any good dirt, but at least I knew I wasn't going out with some crazed serial killer.

Do your homework, you will have so much the advantage in things to come.

200!

It is interesting to think that I have made 200 blog entries... I look back and some of them are interesting and others are a pitty-pot of sorts.

During the past week I have been thinking about what I could write about. I thought about writing some awe inspiring thing, but instead I have chosen to go with whatever comes out of my fingers.

There have been many changes in my life since I have started this blog, and I am sure there are many to come. Right now, I am content knowing that life is good. I have made many positive changes and I am looking forward to many more.

Last night I made scripture mags with Trevor's family. It was fun to share a few of my favorite scriptures. They are sending them to Jenny as part of her Christmas care package. Karlee was so happy that they made more than 20, so that Jenny can give them away to people.

While I was in the middle of my first, I got a call... It was the call from Staker|Parson... It was either good or bad and I feared the latter because Ryan hesitated a bit. In the end, however, he said that Scott Parson would like to meet with me! I was SO stoked. The third and final interview is on Thursday, 5 p.m. It is my last chance to grab his attention.

I am not sure why I have wanted this job so bad. Maybe because it is the first job I felt motivated and excited to apply for. It would be a great company and there are many positive changes that will be going on. I only hope that I can be a part of those...

I have been doing my research and getting ready to put my portfolio together. I need to have something to give him on Thursday that will give him a reason to want to hire me. They told me already that my photo experience is a plus. I also have versatility and a basic knowledge of construction stuff.

This time in my life is going well and I feel good about the things that are going on. There are some adjustments that need to be made, but those are kinks that can be worked out.

Temple Square (round two)

Last night was fun and taxing at the same time. I have been burning the candle at both ends for a little too long and it is catching up with me. My CF may be coming back... When I am at work, I hit a wall in the afternoon and I can't hardly stay awake.

I stayed at work late since we were all meeting in Salt Lake to see the lights and watch the bell choir. We all met up at the Conference Center and people were late in arriving so we sat up in the mezzanine.

The bell choir was pretty cool as they flawlessly changed between keys and each one had its role. Toward the end it got hard to stay awake because it was nice just to sit and listen.

We left during the last number and headed over to see the lights. Trev's ward was meeting another ward at the pond so we waited for everyone to arrive. During that time Trev and Trav got a little crazy (what is new??) Any picture I have of them only scratches the surface of what was going on. I can't go anywhere with those two and not have a camera.

In addition to those two, Tyler was around and that just added to things. The three of them could be a lethal combination...

It was nice to walk around with Trev. The times were are in groups or with other people makes me appreciate the time we have alone even more. It is great to be with other people and interact and at the same time it is nice to just be.

The lights are pretty cool and the whole experience is amazing. There is a spirit on the Square that is so peaceful. I really like it there.

Fun pics

Time with Dad

Thanksgiving

Temple Square with the ward

Ward Activity at Nicklecaid

Fun times at my house

Rainy Day Shots

Surprises

It is funny how certain music will put you in a mood. There is this hauntingly amazing soundtrack I found today that I want to buy. It is the music to The Fountain (the song that follows is part of it).

I have been thinking about different things and how much I like surprises. Being a simple girl, it doesn't take much to make me happy. One thing that made me happy lately was when I saw the words "I love you" written in the snow (then I ran at him, tackled him and smashed snow in his face... romantic eh?).

Surprises are one thing I really enjoy. There is that rush of not knowing. Although, my suspicious nature usually gets the better of me and I find things out before I am supposed to. Being observant is also something else that tends to kill my surprises...

Another one of my favorite surprises was a time someone left a flower, purple butterfly (my fav) and a note on my bed. She knew exactly what I needed at that time. I look at that butterfly and I am in awe of the servants Heavenly Father sends in my life.

What if?

What if you could live forever? What if you could be with that one person through time and eternity?

It is a struggle many people have as they try to come to terms with life, love, death and rebirth. An endless search for that person who makes you complete. And once you have found that person, you want to hold on to them with everything you have.

In Chile, SA, they call it finding the other half of your orange (tu media naranja). While Pres. Spencer W. Kimball said there is no such thing as soul mates, I believe there are certain people were are ment to find in our lives. It may be that friend who gets you through a rough patch, a person who is in need or your eternal companion.

There are people who come into our lives and at one point we can't imagine a normal life without them. We try to see it, but nothing makes sense. The level of peace you feel in thinking about long term things makes it that much harder.

You look at that person across from you and you know the curves of their face, you can see thoughts milling in their head, you know in that moment there is no other place you want to be.

It is in that moment you see eternity, you feel complete and you hold on with everything you have.

Peaceful Fighting

There are times in life when you aren't sure if what you are doing is a good thing or bad thing. You don't want to step on any toes and you certainly don't want to stick your nose where it doesn't belong.

Then someone asks that question, "What did you think?" Ak! Eject button, eject button! Where is the eject button???

You may have a lot to say and you may not, but you certainly don't know how to approach it. Most definitely it is easier to look through the fragile window pane to the inside than it is to be on the inside trying to keep that glass from breaking.

This happened to me last night and the rough part of it was that there was so much stirring in my head. Many things I would like to have blurted out maybe would not have been the most pleasant and I certainly didn't want to offend anyone.

So, to stay safe and assess the situation further, I listened. Then I talked about observations and gave experiences from my life. We chatted for nearly two hours.

I could see in her face what I saw in my mother for many years. The only difference is that she knows the promises she has made and she is willing to fight for those blessings. The love she feels in her heart outweighs anything else.

In the moments we shared together I gained a great admiration for this woman. She has her struggles, and we all do. She is willing to admit her imperfections. She is a learner. She wants the very best for those around her and knows she can't force it upon anyone. She is becoming a peaceful fighter.

The peaceful fighting is perhaps the hardest thing to learn. It doesn't involve the raising of voices, getting in anyone's face or saying anything at all.

Peaceful fighting is getting things resolved through compromise and being the bigger person by walking away.

When someone is in the state of mind that something is going to be done a certain way, it is not a good situation to discuss things in. You must learn to tell them the stipulations upon which you are willing to talk, turn around and walk away.

Those who are looking to vent will learn that their behavior is no longer accepted. They must learn that the way to effective communication is not to "tell" people, but to "share"; that approach is 99 percent of the conversation; and that raised voices and playing the victim will not stand.

It is easy to play the victim and wonder why things are so hard for you and point fingers. The real challenge comes in learning to be the bigger person, realize there may need to be some changes and listen to those around you. You may not like what they have to say, but everyone has a right to their opinion and to "share" their feelings.

There are many other things we talked about and that I learned. Perhaps I will share it at another time. All I can say for now is that I am greatful to know there are people out there willing to fight for what they want. This woman is amazing and the love she exhibits is Christ-like in every way.

You

"You do take my breath away. You make my heart beat faster. You make my palms sweat. But that doesn't mean I don't love you. It means I do. You know sometimes, your heart knows things your mind can't explain? My heart doesn't race for anyone else. I love you..."
- Daniel, Ugly Betty

There are things I see in you that no one else sees. Times I look at you and see an older, more mature you. I think about waking up with you and raising a family together and I feel peace. I don't feel anxiety around you, only a longing to be closer more often.

Your smile brightens my day like the rays of the sun. Your hugs warm me like my favorite blanket. Your eyes are windows to a soul mature beyond its years. Your kisses are comfortable and your words like fresh air.

Chase me, catch me, hold me tight and never let go. Let me be first. Let me be the girl who fulfills your dreams and desires. Let me be the one you spend eternity with.

Life

I recently talked to someone who said he stopped reading my blog because he was confused. That is what happens when you don't ask questions or keep up to date.

Over the last week some pretty amazing things have happened. It has been full of job interviews, meaningful conversations and many other great things.

Last night we went to Nicklecaid for our YSA activity. Oh my. Trevor was there two hours before we got there, so needless to say, he was pretty bored by the time we got there. About the coolest thing in the building was the air hockey table. When we found it, it was in constant use for more than an hour.

There was a "Stand by the table at your own risk" clause however. The puck was flying, people were using their forearms to block the puck and at one point Trevor and Travis thought it would be fun to play with their hands...

I would not recomend the place for big people. Little people could probably stay occupied for a while though.

Later on we went out to Teresa's and chilled (literally) in her hot tub. The water was great, the air outside was cold. It was only Trev and I because the girl who came with Travis didn't bring her suit for some reason... blah...

The hours we spent there were some of the best conversation I have had in a while. With him there is always a purpose and we gain a greater understanding of one another and life. All the time I am seeing more and more of who he really is. The outside layers have begun to peel off and the Lord is allowing me to see his son.

When the Lord opens your spiritual eyes, amazing things happen. (Often I relate everything in my life to to gospel and that is because my life is nothing without the gospel.) As we live worthy to have the windows of heaven opened to us, we will be shown what our Heavenly Father wants us to see.

Live Your Best Life

I will not die an unlived life.
I will not live in fear
of falling or catching fire.
I chose to inhabit my days,
to allow my living to open me,
to make me less afraid,
more accessible,
to loosen my heart
until it becomes a wing,
a torch, promise.
I choose to risk my significance,
to live so that which came to me as a seed
goes to the next as a blossom,
and that which came to me as a blossom,
goes on as fruit.

-Dawna Markova

Thousandths

There are thousandths of seconds we want to hold on to, fleeting moments in time we don't want to let go of. Your eyes are opened in a way you have never experienced. New experiences, new feelings, new thoughts, and new questions.

In those moments, you want to let the fences down and pour out every thought and feeling that is going through your head. Only the past keeps you from letting the words fall from your mouth. As trust is built up over time, it can be destroyed in a thousandth of a second. You chose to stay inside and maybe crack open the key hole...

History is the greatest teacher. It is also a bad teacher.

While we can learn from the mistakes of those who went before us, there is also much more we can learn. Just because something didn't work the first time doesn't mean it won't ever work. Oftentimes, we need to step back and take in the whole picture. We can re-assess and start again.

We must not let our fear of failure keep us from our future and our dreams.

Of House and Home

I imagine a place where my children can come home, feel comfortable talking about their successes and worries, and where love and respect abound for all. I imagine a home where husband and wife can calmly talk about issues in the family. I imagine a home where everyone has friendship and gives compliments, and leaves the negative behind.

There are many things I envision for my future family. I only pray that I can find that person who I will be able to communicate with and work together with to raise a family.

"In selecting a companion for life and for eternity, certainly the most careful planning and thinking and praying and fasting should be done to be sure that of all the decision, this one must not be wrong," said Pres. Spencer W. Kimball."In true marriage there must be a union of minds as well as of hearts... It brings with it sacrifice, sharing, and a demand for great selflessness."

There are several times President Gordon B. Hinckley has talked about his wife and their relationship. He always emphasizes how he and Marjorie walked side by side and she was never a step behind.

It is a great example of what a marriage should be, because life together and eternity afterward are a long time; and it is only through obedience and respect for one another that you can receive the promised blessings.

"The one who marries to give happiness as well as receive it, to give service as well as to receive it, and who looks after the interests of the two and then the family as it comes will have a good chance that the marriage will be a happy one," Kimball said.

Frozen

There are those times in life when you want to freeze a moment and hold it forever. It is one of those moments that holds special meaning.

You don't know how to explain it and you don't really care to. It is a moment that is calculated. It is a moment that burns inside of you. It is a moment that is yours.

There are times in life when there are two people meant to be together at a certain time in life. Perhaps even longer. However, for now, you are content knowing the here-and-now. You get each other, there is a ken between you.

I have not thought to open my heart to someone until recently. There hasn't been anyone I have wanted to open it to really. I tell my family I love them, but that is about it. I haven't thought about sharing my life, or my love for that matter, with anyone else.

Then there is that moment when you can see. Your eyes are opened. You look at someone as they say three little words to you. While the words are little, their significance is more. You feel the impact of the words and of the person saying it.

Freeze that moment and hold on to it.

Click

Click
Hold that moment
Freeze it in time

Click
The expression on his face
Light gently illuminating

Click, click, click
Those words
Little tiny words

Click, click
Gaze up at him
Hold him close
And don't let him go

Click
Freeze that feeling
Hold on to it

Click
Seconds flitting by
Searching his eyes

Click, click, click
The words you want
You say them back

Click, click
In the dark
Yet feeling light as day

Click
Such small words
Although significant in meaning

Click, click, click
A thought out moment
Two souls intertwined

Click
Hold that moment
Freeze it in time