Inspiration

Today we talked about Job. What made him such a righteous man? How did he come to be so righteous? What made him so strong in the face of trials and afflictions?

I have been pulling this through my head as I have struggled with certain things in my life. With some things I am really good, but when it comes to other things I am a roller coaster ... There are some desires in my life that could have easily been fulfilled by now, but they wouldn't have come to pass in the way that would have brought lasting happiness into my life. I fill my life with stuff so I don't have to think about it. But pushing it away only seems to bring the reminder of its absence closer to my life.

This weekend I was presented with a choice. I came so close to allowing myself to make the wrong choice, which could have carried some pretty sore consequences with it. It has been eating at me and I have allowed it to lead me down a road I never wanted to be on again. But I find myself here, happy, but not.

I said something to someone this weekend that was perhaps more meant for me than it was for them: There are so many things you say you want, but you aren't doing the things necessary to obtain them ... Does it get any more clearer than that??

Many people in my life say they want to set me up. I have always pushed the idea away, but I need to stop. If the desires of my heart really are to be realized, I need to allow myself to be in places where I can potentially meet this person. And I need to be doing the things that will put me in a situation where I am ready for things to fall into place.

Diversity Final

I apologize for the informality of my dress in the video and my tardiness. These past few weeks have been crazy leading up to the start of school. Time was my enemy and I hope I completed the assignment correctly because the stream wasn't working.

Link: Outline

Getting Old

I think I'm getting old. Life is sweet when I am slow. And it is even sweeter when I ruminate on it.

Pleasures are found in the simple things. Technology is cool, but it no longer holds the infamous blue-glow hold. I find joy in learning about it, but I no longer feel myself glued to it. My cell phone can be left places and I am OK it is not immediately by my side.

While my hands feel they are connected to this computer as I work to spew my knowledge into digital files called a thesis, I don't feel a pull to be on it all the time. In a way, I am excited for my classes to be over. At the same time, I offer a fond farewell to the wealth of knowledge and long for more.

Thanks to teaching and my longing for learning, I feel my dear friend and I will not be disconnected for long. I would be happily content in a small house full of walled bookshelves, a large yard with a beautiful garden, and a lovely porch where I could enjoy a breezy afternoon. My dear friend and I would connect through life experiences and solitary mornings and evenings.

My eyes have been continually opened evermore to pondering about the important things in life. Is life made up of things? It is made up of our house? Our car? Pieces of paper? If you had minutes to leave your house, what is most valuable that you would feel an absolute need to take with you? Is there anything of "real" value in your life?

Going to Nauvoo opened my eyes to an evaluation of my personal life. Their lives were lived contentedly in homes that were most often 10'x20'. They had only those things they needed, and were self-sufficient. Packing up was not hard for them because as long as they had their family, they had everything that was important to them.

My home is slightly bigger than the "large" two-level homes of their day. There are only two of us here. I have things that I either don't need or have not used in a long time. When I am done with my paper, I am going to take some time in evaluation and gift or sell those things that are merely taking up  space in my home.

I look forward to simplifying my life. Lately I have told God that if I am blessed with an abundant life, I will live simply and share the means I have. Even if my life doesn't have abundance, I will do my best to share all that God has given me, both tangible and intangible.

What I have really isn't mine. But sometimes I think I "have" too much. God is good to me, but sometimes I don't know that I am as good in return. Perhaps in my old age, I will learn more ;)

60 Seconds

If your house was on fire and you had 60 seconds to get out, what would you grab? What is the most important in your house?

Stepping Stones

I am at the last part of my paper now ...The Forces are working hard against me, but I know there are even greater Ones working for me. I just have to decide who will win for my time.

Being done is within my reach. People are cheering for me, but I am the only one who can cross the finish line. Only I can do it and it is something I have to do alone. Everyone who is cheering for me is waiting on the other side.

So, I have to set goals that when I accomplish one thing, I can reward myself with something else. Right now, it is going out to see Eat Pray Love next week. My second one is getting back on facebook. I haven't really missed it, but I have certain responsibilities that require it.

I have learned over these last few weeks that it is nice to disconnect. It is nice to just sit and enjoy nature and the world around us. I can't wait until I am done with this and will be able to have time to spend in the outdoors and reconnect myself with those things I love most.

Connection is important. Connection to God, real people, the earth, and yourself.

This emotional life

Liz Gilbert, author of Eat Pray Love, shares a metaphor for life, love, and our need to be close. It comes from German philosopher Shopenhauer who many deam as a pessimist. While I don't totally agree, I believe there is a certain element of truth.

Sometimes we are porcupines and we do need to huddle together for warmth in this strange, unforgiving, cruel world. But whether purposefully or not, we may prick one another. It is learning this "dance" that Gilbert talks about. We can live together, provide warmth for one another, and not poke on another.

There are many experiences in my life I believe I can associate with this metaphor. In my life I have poked both on purpose and accidentally. I hope that those I have pushed away have / will forgive me. These many years later I am more wise than I was when I was a child. I look back with sorrow for the many opportunities I may have missed out on because of my hard heart.

Thankfully, I have not gone too many years realizing my need for human interaction. I need the warmth from others. I need that association. And I think that is the reason we all, in one form or another, reach out no matter what the potential of getting pricked is.