Il Sogno de la Vida

There are so many things that i give up for other people in hopes that somewhere I will find happiness... Blessings that are supposed to come because of sacrifice... Friends you hope will at some point give back...

In my effort to keep my head above water I wonder if I am doing the right things or spending my time in the right places.

I am supposed to speak in Church tomorrow but I don't know what I am going to say. For two weeks I have been struggling with my topic: How do I know if the Lord is pleased with me?

Perhaps I have been struggling because I don't know if He is happy with me or not... This past week I have had so many commitments on my plate: work, church, a semi-existent social life, etc. I have been trying to do too many things by myself and I can't do it anymore. I sit here in tears at the keyboard wishing that all the words that were pouring out of my fingers were for my talk.

On Friday all I was after was a little "Thanks." But in reality, I should know better. I was so sick from the stress, trying to get everything done and balancing a social life that I so desperately want. And while I have people around me, I feel so alone...

I sat with 300 people today and felt like I was a faceless person in a crowd... I stared at material for two hours asking for something to come to me... I did a terrible job at fulfilling my family obligation tonight because of a commitment I previously made and I know she said it was OK but I should have been there... Then on my way to my other commitment, I got feeling sick and felt like someone else needed my time (and at the same time hoping they would be there because they knew I needed them too) only to find I would still be alone...


I want to disappear... And if I did, would anyone notice I was missing anyway?