Life

Why are there things we hold on to? Do we have some hidden hope that it will all work out? Is there comfort we are seeking?

For the past three-and-a-half years I have been secretly holding on to something. I thought I was ready to let it go. I actually thought I had let it go. But today I realized that there are still wounds there and I am not sure how to quite heal them.

There are nights I torture myself and think about it, knowing that all I am getting from it is misery. Somehow I need to figure out how to heal and really let it go because I am here suffering inside and it is moving on.

Today I had an appointment with Avner, an ex's good friend. I really dread seeing him and I don't know why. It is just awkward for me I guess. On the way out I asked how the ex was doing and he said he was doing good. Then he told me he had gotten married. Avner started to talk about funny his ring was and I already knew what it was...

It was the one we had picked out...

I don't really feel anything, but it leads me to thinking about how my life went into a fiery down spiral because I didn't listen to the Lord. I have become a person I am not extremely fond of because I didn't heed the warnings. He told me not to play with fire, but I had to touch and I got burned really bad. Now he has moved on and here I am with open wounds...

There are things out there that aren't worth the pain. Holding on to old flames are one of those things. Maybe it was a blessing that I found that out. Maybe the Lord is trying to tell me that I have to let go of those things I have buried in a deep, dark, cavern. It is time to let Him heal me and help me move on.

It is amazing how much easier our lives would be if we would just listen to the Lord. He knows what's up and where the best path for us is.

It is also amazing how stubborn we are as human beings. We have to try everything out; We have to test it; We want to do it on our own. But we can't, not 100%.

That is why there is a God in heaven watching out for us and helping us along the way. Only He can heal those deep wounds, if we let him.