Is it okay to try and want what someone else wants? Someone says they want one thing, but it is not necessarily what you want. However, because you respect this person and want them to be happy too, you say okay.
F. Scott Fitzgerald said, "The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function." While people may not change their mind, it can increase our tolerance and respect for the other person's perspective and improve the communication climate.
I think this is what makes relationships work. It is not 'I am right and you are wrong' or 'Your right and I am wrong.' In my opinion there has to be some truth in all perspectives. If we could learn to accept this and talk about the issues, many relationships would survive the communication breakdown. In deciding there is some smidgen of truth in all perspectives our relational bonds could become stronger.
Sometimes for the greater good of the whole, it is better to give up what you want right now for something that may be better in the future. When in Rome, it may not always be good to do as the Romans do.
1 comment:
couldn't agree more.
I am in this situation with my potential future mother-in-law.
Kristen is her only daughter and now that she knows her child is in a serious relationship she is freaking out. Big time. The problem is this: "Youre too young!" (she is 23.) "You havent lived life!" (she is a return missionary, most of school complete, and why cant you live life WITH someone?) "You dont KNOW him! He could be a psycho!" (I've only known her about a month and a half) So there are all these reasons she hates me already without knowing me. She said "Kristen you are smarter than this!" Than this? Am I the "this?"
Now I could totally jump on this and be up in arms about it "she is crazy!" etc. But that wouldnt benefit me. I can put on her mom's shoes for a second and get a clear picture. Her mom has never been married,Kristen is her only child. Of course this will scare her to death. I can accept that and hope that she will at least give me the chance.
Why can't she do the same?! Why can't she see me as an actual person rather than an idea, a problem sent to ruin her life? It is extremely close-minded to cast me off like that. We all need to "take the view of the other."
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