Analyze

I have come to the conclusion I think about things too much. Situations get analyzed until beat to a bloody pulp of thought. I do it because I want to know 'why?'

This simple three letter word gets me into trouble and gives me lots of headaches, especially about my personal life. In the professional world, it is the reason I have a job. They 'why' behind people's actions is intriguing.

I think it is a learned behaviour from my father who is a plethera of knowledge. He knows something about everything and a lot about many things. From him I learned there is a solution to everything, and the fortitude to figure it out. My father isn't perfect, but he lives his life the way he wants to live it. He is amazing! I look up to him and the example of life he is.

My father is always telling me to relax and slow down (especially when I drive). I think that is why I love spending time with him so much. He takes life for what it is, learns from it and enjoys every moment he has left.

In my life, however, when I start to ask why someone said something the way they did, or why they did this and are now doing that, I get into trouble (inparticular involving boys). When something happens and I want to talk about it, and can't for a long time, it is hard. It only leaves more time to analyze things and wonder.

Then I read a well written verse by Anthony Trollope in his novel, The Small House at Allington: "I doubt whether any girl would be satisfied with her lover's mind if she knew the whole of it."

In all of our reasoning and thinking, we may still have more questions. Would we really be satisfied if we knew what we wanted to know right now? Does it matter that we can't know right now and that we may have to wait a minute to get our answers? Maybe not and that is OK. I have to keep cultivating my patience and move on. If things work out in favour that is great, and if they don't it is another learning experience.

Today, however, to satisfy my impatience, I talked to Bugnite. I will miss her dearly if I leave.