commitments and surprises

"There are times when even the best of us have trouble with commitment," M. Grey said.

"George. I was rude to you before and I'm sorry. I understand what you are trying to say. You're the pig and you are... committed... I mean, we broke up and I've been wanting to hear this from you for how long, and now to say this to me, until after we break up. I'm out of my element here. I break bones for a living. I used to live in the basement. Most days I wear last nights eyeliner to work and I don't give a crap about what people think about me because I am a happily, independent, successful woman and I like it that way. Only when you say stuff like this? it just, it just makes it too hard. So please, don't chase me any more. Unless you are ready to catch me," Kali said.

"And we may be surprised by the commitments we are willing to let slip out of our grasp," said M. Grey, as George let Kali walk away.

"Commitments are complicated... We may surprise ourselves at the commitments we are willing to make. True commitment takes effort and sacrifice. Which is why sometimes we have to learn the hard way to choose our commitments very carefully."

I have thought about this a lot during the past few days. It hasn't necessarily been in the matter of relationships, but life.

Are we ready to catch the commitments we seek? Do we surprise ourselves when we get to that turning point and we walk away because it isn't what we thought it was? Are we surprised at what we are willing to do in order to get to something else?

Right now in my life I am at the limbo point of full-time work and thinking about going back to school. I am analyzing the commitments I am willing to make and looking at other commitments that I may or may not be willing to make to get to my ultimate goals.

I know I need to get my master's degree. The question is, "In what?" When I graduated I was really gung-ho to get my grad exams done and get moving on it this next year. Now I am in a limbo of sorts. I was going to get my MBA and now I am not sure if that is where I need to go.

I know I need to get a real person's job. My hesitation, I think, is that I have never really committed to something long term. I don't know what it is like to have a sort of job security. Newspaper keeps me on my toes. There are also other things that nag at me. I love to organize things and be in the know. When I was running PR and political campaigns, I was having a blast. I have also thought about getting involved in politics (which makes me lean toward a master's in politics and communication). (If Tony Mottes ever read that, he would laugh. But that is another story for another day.)

The only real commitment I have made is to the Church. I think the reasoning for that is because I know it to be true, I know a direction I need to go and I know where I will be going after this life. Even still, there are callings that require our attention and time. In this, I am reminded of a couple of quotes:

"Our willingness to serve in our callings, whatever they may be, is a reflection of our dedication to the Lord."

"With your call come great promises. One of those promises is that the Lord will guide you by revelation just as He called you. You must ask in faith for revelation to know what you are to do. With your call come the promise that answers will come. But that guidance will come only when the Lord is sure you will obey. To know His will you must be committed to do it. The words, "Thy will be done," written in the heart are the window of revelation.?

In the end, I would imagine this is what it comes down to. Just as we will be guided in our callings, according to our obedience, the Lord will guide us in our lives by that same revelation. As we obey in our lives and live according to gospel principles, the Lord will open that window of revelation and show us where we need to go and what we need to do.

Everything stems on our willingness to be obedient and committed to the Lord and his will.