Module #2

So, this week we are looking at gender and I am reading Beyond Work-Family Balance. The question of the week asks us to look at how we were taught to view our gender. I am posting the question and my answer is below it...

Question:
Let's see if we can do a little cultural research of our own on gender. Please list a few of the key cultural messages your received when you were growing up about what "a real man" or "good woman" should believe, value, assume, and how they should behave. Please remember:

* It doesn't matter if you agree or disagree with them now - we are only making them visible.

* Please report only the messages you heard about your own gender - not those for others or their gender.

* Reframe from judging them and focus on accurately "seeing" them.

* Consider how those beliefs, values, and assumptions effect your behavior.

Answer:

Growing up was an interesting experience for me. My mom and dad were divorced and so in having a split house hold, I also had split value systems being taught to me. My mother was very much the proper person: girls should dress in skirts, mind your manners, make sure your hair is done just so, etc. My father on the other hand was a country boy: everyone should play in the dirt, share your opinion, learn how to do things for yourself, etc.

I remember having this struggle between "what" I should be. Do I follow my mother's wishes, or do I follow my father's (which seemed more fun)? Because I grew up under my mothers roof, it was all about the proper while inside I was screaming to break out. She wanted me to value her ways and I tried. I wore the "right" clothes (yes, that included name brands), I did my hair just so with scrunchies, bows, and all (remember those... yuck!), I strived to be Barbie.

But I think the breaking point for me, at least how I began to view gender personally, came one day when I was watching the Miss America Pageant. I told my mother I wanted to be up on that stage one day and her response was that I wasn't thin enough or tall enough. I thought to myself that if that was all it was about, I didn't want anymore to do with it.

I went cowboy where it didn't matter how thin you were, and all the girls accepted you for where you were. The outdoors became my refuge where I could interact with other girls who weren't afraid to break their nails. Learning to love nature and in turn love myself helped me understand that I have much more to offer than just poofy blonde hair and designer lable clothing. I was a "good woman" no matter what my weight, height, IQ, or interests, and I learned to provide for myself.