Will ye also go away?

Sitting here this morning I am reflecting back on the events of last night. We have two wonderful people (Andy and Athena) who are taking the missionary lessons and will be getting baptized on Nov 29. I felt the Spirit so strong as I prayed they too would feel it, and that the missionaries would have the words they needed to hear.

Apart from this wonderful experience was also an experience that left me scratching my head. I said something at the end of the meeting praying they would feel the spirit of it. In reality I don't know why the events occurred. All I know is that they did, and these people would have gotten on anyone else's case about it.

Thinking back on it and the spirit I felt, I thought of Christ when he was teaching in Capernaum. I know he feels empathy when I read the scripture in John which says:

60 Many therefore of his disciples, when they had heard this, said, This is an hard saying; who can hear it?

61 When Jesus ^aknew in himself that his disciples murmured at it, he said unto them, Doth this ^boffend you?
66 ¶ From that time many of his ^adisciples went back, and ^bwalked no more with him.

67 Then said Jesus unto the twelve, Will ye also go away?

So much of my life I have been allowing myself to worry about acceptance from other people, particularly boys. I have yearned to feel love and know that I'm not going to be left behind, and I have been willing to do whatever it is to make sure they stay in my life. But over the past few weeks I have learned some valuable lessons that I now realize were only branches to my problem. The root is the fore mentioned issue at hand.

Coming to understand the root has allowed me to see more clearly the things I am doing in my life. My friend hasn't talked to me since I said something, praying they would feel the spirit of it. Normally right now I would be working to patch things up and saying how sorry I am. But I can't turn my back on something the spirit spoke so plainly to me about. I can't deny the veracity of the things I said.

In my life I have lost a lot of people because I have followed the spirit, and I imagine I may loose more throughout my lifetime because of the choice I make to follow my Savior without wavering. Does this mean I see myself as a perfect person? Of course not! It just means that I cannot straddle the gap anymore because it's getting too hard.

On Monday the lesson was about living in the world, but not of the world. Thinking back on that, I think of another lesson Jesus so poignantly taught, "No man can serve to masters." If we try, we will love the one and hate the other. There are talents and aids here in this life to help us navigate, but we cannot let those overtake us. Daily we are confronted with challenges and we will need to make choices to go one way or the other. I love the verses in DyC 130:

18 Whatever principle of ^aintelligence we attain unto in this life, it will rise with us in the ^bresurrection.

19 And if a person gains more ^aknowledge and intelligence in this life through his ^bdiligence and obedience than another, he will have so much the ^cadvantage in the world to come.

20 There is a ^alaw, irrevocably decreed in ^bheaven before the foundations of this world, upon which all ^cblessings are predicated—

21 And when we obtain any ^ablessing from God, it is by ^bobedience to that law upon which it is predicated.

While principles of intelligence will rise with us, so will the things we have not overcome. That is why we are counseled to "not ^cprocrastinate the day of your repentance." Those who have repented will have a huge advantage in the next life because they won't have to spend time overcoming sins they should have taken care of here on earth. I don't want to experience knowing what I could have had and returning to a place where I will receive what I was willing to work for, "because they were not willing to enjoy that which they might have received" (DyC88:32). I want to be able to say that my eye is single to the glory of God, having my whole body filled with light and comprehend all things (DyC88:67).

In the gospel of Jesus Christ it is black and it is white. There is not place for fence sitters.

34 Behold, there are many ^acalled, but few are chosen. And why are they not chosen?

35 Because their ^ahearts are set so much upon the things of this ^bworld, and ^caspire to the ^dhonors of men, that they do not learn this one lesson—

36 That the ^arights of the priesthood are inseparably connected with the powers of heaven, and that the powers of heaven cannot be ^bcontrolled nor handled only upon the ^cprinciples of righteousness.

41 No ^apower or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the ^bpriesthood, only by ^cpersuasion, by ^dlong-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned;

42 By ^akindness, and pure ^bknowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the ^csoul without ^dhypocrisy, and without ^eguile—

43 ^aReproving betimes with ^bsharpness, when ^cmoved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of ^dlove toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy (DyC121).