Thoughts at 1:30 a.m.

So much has been going through my head in the last week. Life always seems to hit me from all sides at once, not a little at a time. I need a day at the spa. That's good stuff right there :D

Anyway, back to the topic at hand. My second class is coming to a close and I am not sure that I am understanding what I am supposed to, but then again because of my lack of interest I have not put much time in to it. At the same time I have had many distractions come during this class and I have poorly managed my time in order to dedicate time to my studies. I feel like somewhat of a failure...

Three wonderful people have come in to my life in the last several months. Two of them had so many qualities that were awesome, but there was just something missing. The third one, however, has me feeling somewhat different. It has been so long since someone has genuinely looked at me, and really wanted to get to know me for who I am.

When I catch him looking at me I feel somewhat uncomfortable because I'm not used to us. But at the same time I feel so comfortable around him and feel that I can be who I really am (which is how it should be, shouldn't it?). We talk for hours without realizing how fast the time passes and it's like we can talk about anything and everything. I can have a conversation with him about almost anything, and he always has something to add to it.

At the same time, I have not been the most open person and he let me know it tonight when he left my house... "I would like to get to know more about you..." Bah! I don't do the best when it comes to talking about me, but I can listen forever to someone else while they spill their guts to me. Is that selfish to listen, but not to talk? I mean, I do talk, I just don't really open up about myself as much as they do about themselves...

8 And it came to pass that he said unto them: Behold, here are the waters of Mormon (for thus were they called) and now, as ye are ^adesirous to come into the ^bfold of God, and to be called his people, and are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light;

9 Yea, and are ^awilling to mourn with those that ^bmourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand as ^cwitnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in, even until death, that ye may be redeemed of God, and be numbered with those of the ^dfirst resurrection, that ye may have eternal life—

10 Now I say unto you, if this be the desire of your hearts, what have you against being ^abaptized in the ^bname of the Lord, as a witness before him that ye have entered into a ^ccovenant with him, that ye will serve him and keep his commandments, that he may pour out his Spirit more abundantly upon you?

This scripture came to have a new meaning to me as I listened to the Sacramental Prayer this last week:

"O God, the Eternal Father, we ask thee in the name of thy Son, Jesus Christ, to bless and ^asanctify this ^bbread to the souls of all those who partake of it; that they may eat in ^cremembrance of the body of thy Son, and witness unto thee, O God, the Eternal Father, that they are willing to take upon them the ^dname of thy Son, and always remember him, and keep his commandments which he hath given them, that they may always have his ^eSpirit to be with them. Amen."

What amazing promises we make, and also what amazing blessings come because we choose to be obedient! However, obedience does not involve selfishness. I think I am going to read through "A Heart Like His" again and study it a little more diligently this time. I am in need of some more heart opening and would love to be worthy of the spirit I felt not only on Sunday, but what I have felt this week, 24/7. How amazing that would be, but sometimes the flesh is weak. However, I know that the Lord will strengthen me and help me become equal to whatever task may be presented to me.