As a Man Thinketh

Yesterday was an interesting day of introspection for me. I was reminded of some basic, yet vital, principles. My bishop wanted to share a talk with me, but the prerequisite was to read the chapter "As a Man Thinketh" in Spencer W. Kimball's book The Miracle of Forgiveness.

I read the chapter with open eyes looking for whatever it was I was supposed to be learning, or preparing for. In the book of Proverbs we are taught, "For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he... Apply thine heart unto instruction, and thine ears to the words of knowledge" (Prov. 23:7, 12). We are what we think, like it or not. President Kimball asks, "How could a person possibly become what he is not thinking?... The 'divinity that shapes our ends' is indeed ourselves."

No matter how much we believe that what we think and do in private will remain that way, it won't. We become our thoughts and the only person we deceive is ourselves. What we think begins to reflect on the outside, for good or bad.

While reading the chapter I felt Alma's words as he contended with Zeezrom when he said our words, works, and even thoughts would condemn us, "and we would fain be glad if we could command the rocks and the mountains to fall upon us to hide us from his presence" (Alma 12:14). I know I haven't been a perfect person and I struggled to know that one day the very things that we think are so secret will condemn us if we don't repent. But isn't that rightfully so? We are told in the Doctrine and Covenants that God knows us down to our very thoughts and intentions of our hearts.

So, I reflected on these messages, finished the chapter, and was looking forward to talking to the bishop about it. But when I had my chance I didn't feel inclined to. Maybe it was because of the next experience I was about to have. He gave me the talk he told me about. I was a little surprised to find it was only two pages long.

I folded it up, put it inside of my book, made some small talk, and then I was on my way. Sunday morning I spent some time with it and felt some hope come back into my life. All was not said and done. I wasn't going to be condemned to hell.

The gentle reminder came that my desires needed to change. But they weren't just going to change over night like I had always wanted, but I needed to sit down and spend some selective time making better habits. I was going to have to work for it, that was made clear. But I could do it.

Just the night before I had a conversation with a friend about taking the time to make better habits. I said something that perhaps was more for me than it was for him: "Sometimes we have to take a step back from things, evaluate, and readjust." Too often we get in over our heads without being properly prepared. In those moments we need to seek more Divine guidance and humble ourselves to understand we can't do it alone.

I believe sometimes we must also evaluate our habits. We may have some good habits, but they may not be the best habits, the ones that will lead us through the doors of exaltation. This was made clear as I thought about Alma's seed in chapter 32. He talks about desire, giving place in your heart and nurturing the seed.

In Sunday School someone asked what the difference is. I don't know that there is always a stark difference. There are all kinds of 'good' seeds, but they aren't the 'best' or 'better' seeds. It all comes down to how much space we allow them to consume in our hearts. A seemingly harmless thing actually has the potential to keep us from some very important blessings based one what our mind-set becomes.

President Kimball said that gifts of the spirit will come "as [we] become perfect and the impediments which obstruct spiritual vision are dissolved." I then had to ask myself what those impediments were. What are those things that are obstructing my spiritual vision and right to revelation?

I decided to make a list of those things, and perhaps it should be done with more fasting and prayer. But I am going to work on giving them up, a fast if you will. My hope is that as I focus on loosing those things, I will find a better life through more abundance of the Spirit in my life like the Savior teaches in Matthew, "He that loseth his life shall find it for my sake" (Matt 10:39).

My hope is that through this process I will gain more faith, become worthy of the gifts of the Spirit and the Holy Ghost, and gain more fully the trust of the Lord as I work to become a more effective tool in his kingdom. I have felt the spirit as I have contemplated this over the last few days and I have even caught myself starting to work on attributes I have pointed out to myself. And perhaps somewhere along the way I can find a little redemption as well :)