By no means am I a "Gleek", but it does put a smile on my Roomie's face when I do watch it. Today I needed something chorousy (is that a word?) and somehow was led to watching this episode. Watching it I realized there were many correlations to my own life: not a big fan of V-day, dealing with feeling cheated on, making things up in my head, a dating tryst, a not-so-"beautiful" girls who's headstrong, and breaking out to become who I can be.
Throughout the whole episode they sing "love songs" to their special someone and each of them speaks a different message. Personally I don't mind most "love" songs and they actually remind us of things we had, have, or hope to have. They keep being made because they speak something of our lives.
In the beginning of the episode Kurt talks about the non-sense of Valentine's Day. It's one more excuse to sell candy, cards, and flowers. Darren reminds him that there shouldn't be anything wrong with a day set aside to tell someone you love them. While it shouldn't be the only day, perhaps we need a day to remind us of what it is to love.
While I am only nine days into my search of characteristics of love, I can already see a difference in how I deal with things. In one part of the episode Mercedes talks about their diva idols and said, "They took all the pain and lonliness and they put it into their music." While I don't put mine in to music, I put it in to writing, photography, and work. Looking for the positive and an outlet for pain helps one to heal faster and move on.
Recently I knew something was coming to an end. Heavenly Father let me know and I think because of that I was ready to let go. The pain stung for a moment and I needed time to myself, but I wasn't going to let it rule my life. Besides, I know there is something else out there. I know there is someone who is ready and who will not shut me out.
My heart is opening and I am ready to really feel this time. Sometimes I think we make things up in our head and we twist ourselves to become someone we think that person wants. We play with little moments and aggrandize them in our heads. We even encounter glaring red flags and convince ourselves that it will be ok. I was lost in a fog for nearly four months, but now I see ahead of me as I walk out of the mists of darkness.
One of the moments that struck home for me was when Rachel and Finn are in the sick room. Rachel talks to Finn about Quinn and how much prettier she is. Part of my recent experience involved another girl. I struggled to realize what it was that she had that I didn't have. Why couldn't he just commit to me?
Then one day I encountered a quote that said, "Stop asking yourself what others have that you don't and instead focus on what it is that they are missing about you." That changed my outlook on the whole "relationship" and I told myself I could live with it until he figured it out. But I was totally lying to myself. Sometimes we think that lying to ourselves it will make everything else go away, but it only gets us into more trouble and causes that much more pain.
In the episode Rachel asks Finn if he saw fireworks when he kissed Quinn. He didn't even have to answer before she knew, his body language said it all. With this person I put it out there and he said that no matter what happens right now he will continue to date the other girl. He chose her the first time and I was stupid to think it would be different a second time around.
While I ended up on the short end again, I have found a strength to move on this time. My goals are set before me and I am on a run to get there. The episode ends with Rachel singing Firework and with a determination to move on and pursue her dreams. I first heard this song when it was shared by my dearest friend. She wrote:
"People are coming back and almost adopting it as their own anthem, and it's hard, I think, to write an anthem that's not cheesy, and I hope that this could be something in that category. I hope this could be one of those things where it's like, 'Yeah, I want to put my fist up and feel proud and feel strong. But I also don't want to be cheesy, it's a fine line, and I think 'Firework' ... would be like the opus or my one song — if I had to pick a song to play — 'cause it has a great beat. But it also has a fantastic message."
The episode makes a perfect wrap from talking about how divas made their name on their own, and in the end that is Rachel's determination. No one can make us happy, only we can make ourselves happy. There are decisions we make in life that bring unhappiness, but that doesn't mean we can't find it again once we have freed ourselves from the harmful situation.
"Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it."
~ Groucho Marx
So, go out and sing silly love songs. Turn up the volume and dance with your mop. Today you have the power to make you happy!
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