The Fifth Floor

The last few weeks of my life have been full of many choices to make. I had to prioritize which ones I was going to deal with first, and others had to be put aside for the time being. Work and school work took the priority, and things in my personal life were left behind.

While I worked on the other decisions, I seemed to be getting help and promptings for the ones I had temporarily put aside. Institute has been my life saver this year. I have learned many things, and if anything I have been able to feel God's love for me as I make an effort to attend.

A few weeks ago when I was in the middle of making these decisions, we had a lesson on preparing to become an eternal companion. Perfect. Just the one I had decided not to deal with in that moment, but something I needed none-the-less. Okay Father, I am listening ...

Brother Thorpe began by saying, "There is a difference between a temple marriage and an eternal marriage." This struck me because I had never thought about it that way before. But it makes total sense! Which one are we preparing for? Are we just looking to fill the square? Or are we really serious about creating and eternal marriage, in reality an eternal relationship, with someone?

This got my wheels turning in regards to my current situation. So often I have told people I want a temple marriage and there is no other direction my life will head. I think we loose sight of what the union really is, and that is an eternal marriage. The union of two people in love, trust, faith, and a host of other attributes to be perfected as two people grow into one.

While my wheels were spinning Brother Thorpe shared a story about a group of ladies who were going out on the town for the night. They got to this building that looked like a pretty happening place to find a good mate. Walking into the building they were informed there were five floors and each of them had something different to offer in regards to male companionship. All excited they hopped onto the elevator and started to go up floor by floor.

Arriving at the first floor, the door opened and the sisters saw a sign on the wall that read, "Sweet spirits." Intrigued by the other floors, they pushed the "Close" button. Once the doors closed, one of them pressed the button for the second floor. Arriving there, they saw another sign that read, "Well-tabernacled." Still not impressed, they all continued to the third floor.

When the doors opened, they sign read, "Well-tabernacled with good spirits." Excited, some of the ladies got off on the third floor while the others were still intrigued by what was to come. When the others had exited, the doors closed and the group proceeded to the fourth floor.

All excited, the chatter started to rise when the doors opened on the fourth floor. The sign read, "Well-tabernacled with great personalities. Loves kids, cooking, and cleaning." Suddenly the volume of excited me increased as many of the ladies got off in search of these good mates.

However, there were others who were still intrigued by what would be found on the fifth, and final, floor. They closed the doors and proceeded up to the next floor. When the doors opened, the women gazed upon an empty floor that didn't even have framing for walls. Instead, there was a lonely pole with a piece of paper taped to it that simply read, "No men here. Built to prove there is no way to please a woman."

I have to say, I got a good giggle. In my head I imagined the look on their faces when they opened the doors to see a barren floor. Then I thought to the statement on the sign. Is that really how it's seen? Then I giggled again thinking about communication patterns between males and females.

Often times we, as people in general, think we are communicating when we really aren't. Yes, we are saying words and throwing around some body lingo, but we aren't effectively communicating with the other person. As a result, both sides (or perhaps only one) get frustrated and things end in a shambles when they could have been successful.

I think this is how it goes in relation to the Fifth Floor. One side may not think there is any way to please the other side because of a communication break down. But in reality if they would both sit down and say what is on their mind, the Fifth Floor could be avoided by both sides.

In an effort to avoid this happening in my life, I decided to be open and honest with a particular person. I am in a situation that is particularly hard for me because I feel there is a lack of communication and a lack of interest in some ways.

Never in a "relationship" have I had someone not say something to me at least once a day, or every other day. I am used to getting a text in the morning that says something to the effect of "Good morning" or "Hope your having a great day." In my current situation, this is not happening at all. I am struggling to get any kind of conversation.

Working to be patient and express to this person that I was having a hard time, I tried the around-the-bush approach. No luck. So I tried the around-the-bush, semi-direct approach. Fail. So, about a week ago I just went head first into the shallow end. "I am not used to not talking to someone every day. I am a communicative person and I need that. It's nice to know I am thought of." Response: "That's just not me."

Come on! This is not only one of my majors, but my Master's studies ... Have I learned nothing? Did I waste four years of my life? Epic fail? "Ok. Be patient. Everyone is different. You can learn something from this. Love him for who he is. You can do this."

As patient as I have been working to be, and as much as I have been focusing on the good of this person, something wasn't sitting right ... Unsurity kills me. The lesson continued:

"You might have found a relationship with true love if:
1. Your relationship with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ have never been better.
2. You relationship with parents and family have never been better.
3. Your relationship with friends or buddies is great.
4. Grades have never been better.
5. Never felt so good about yourself. Even when you are with and away from your companion."

Intriguing ...

I know this is not a sure-fire list, but it gives food for thought. So, I ponder on it. Even tonight as I chew on it, I think about people who have come into my life that fit parts of this list. The first one that comes to mind if E.

While we only dated a short while, he fills the majority of this list. When I was with him and his kids, I felt spiritually alive, he respected time with friends, he pushed me to be a better student and was there for me when I was on overkill and needed a second opinion, and every time I was with him I felt like the most important, beautiful person. And he told me too.

Trevor perhaps fills the square for #1. He and I had spiritual conversations constantly. Because of him, I dug into the gospel and he challenged me in a good way. I need that. While we didn't see eye-to-eye on everything, we were able to talk about anything that came up in a civil manner. He was good with family and friends, but they saw things I didn't see at the time.

I can't think of a particular relationship that really fills #2 that well. In my life, I am pretty particular about who I "take home." I am not quite sure why, but it is a big deal for me about who I introduce to my family. And it definitely has to be something special in order for them to meet my dad's side of the family.

#3 is also another struggle for me. I haven't really found someone yet that my friends say, "Yeah, he's worthy." They always tell me I date below myself, that I have yet to find someone that will really be my helpmeet. Although, I am not sure I will find that perfect someone. Even if I did, he wouldn't want an imperfect person like me.

Brother Mueller said something really interesting in regards to this: Attributes are best polished together as husband and wife. Does that mean I am going to marry someone just to find out, to polish?
No. But I know perfection is not attained alone. It will be attained in the process of time as two individuals become one and consequently become one with our Heavenly Father.

light -> light ; truth -> truth ; virtue -> virtue

#4 & #5 E filled completely. I remember our first date vividly. He stared at me all night and just ha this grin on his face. When I asked him why, he said, "Your eyes sparkle in the candle light and you are just so beautiful." Never before had I had someone say that to me so sincerely. And like I mentioned before, whenever we were together he made me feel like I was the most important thing. He wasn't afraid to show me off either.

I know you can't compare one relationship to another because that would mean two people would need to be identical in personalities and other things. But I often think back to previous relationships and I know there are those things I am looking for. If I had them once, I can have them again. I know one day I will find a combination of the right things. But for now, I wait and I look for some other things:

1. Commitment: Do they keep their commitments? Do they maintain a relationship with God and Christ?
2. How do they handle conflict?: Let things go wrong ... How do they deal with "adventure"?
3. Communication: How do they communicate? Do you do things that help you get to know each other? Intimacy is no friend to objectivity.
4. Do they challenge you to be the best you?
5. Does the spirit reside in your relationship? Does it confirm what you are doing?

I don't know my direction right now. But I do know if some things doing change in my life soon, the direction needs to change. I have done all I can think of and nothing seems to be working. I don't want to be on the Fifth Floor. I want to be in a place where I can have everything Heavenly Father has promised me. My Dove wrappers tonight said, "Break the mold." and "Find your passion."

It's your time and it's your life. So, what will you do with it? I know that making the decision and creating an eternal marriage are one of the most important things you will do with your life. It is more than a temple marriage. It will be something lasting and eternal. A kind of love that will endure any kind of trial faced in this life.