The last few days have been a struggle for me. There are lots of new things that have been happening in my life and I have wanted someone to share them with.
The one person I wanted to spend time with for the holidays, I really couldn't and doors weren't opened that I could. I felt kind-of bad and I sat home Christmas night feeling sorry for myself while everyone else went out.
I started a new job on Tuesday and it was a nice distraction from everything that I was feeling. The hard part is when I come home to my family. There is nothing wrong with my family... It is just nice to talk to someone on your same thinking plane.
I looked forward to his call yesterday, but only got a text about New Years. On top of that I had to deal with my family asking about Christmas presents and their reaction.
I think their reaction was what got to me, because Christmas isn't about things. That is maybe the one thing I don't like about this time of year, because people are more focused on the physical and not the spiritual. Christmas is about a little baby boy being born to this earth who saved us from Hell. It was in those moments I wanted nothing more than for him to be there with me, and in reality, that is all I wanted for Christmas.
What is happening to me? Not being able to see him or really talk to him has been hard. He has also been distant when he does text me.
I have never really experienced these feelings and I don't know what is going through his mind, if anything, because he won't talk to me. Maybe he doesn't want to... I want to know him, but maybe that isn't enough.
Why do tears come to my eyes?
I have to be strong...
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