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It is the moment you waited for all your life; then you realize it is not what you want at all.

I wonder that I like Christmas at all anymore. After the last two years, I am pretty hammered with "events." Last year, at this time is when my "relationship" started to deteriorate before my eyes.

When we ended, we decided that we would stay friends. I have decided that is not wise. I wanted a "friend" so bad in my life that I lost sight and it took me a year to realize that it wasn't what I wanted at all.

Tonight I said good-bye to that dear friend. It was becoming unhealthy for not only me, but him and his new relationship. She is a doll and I am happy for them. It will be hard knowing that that part of me is no longer there as it was before, but I keep telling myself it will get better.

We exchanged our Christmas gifts before going our separate ways and he made me open mine first. As I tore the paper away, I started to cry as I realized what it was. Part of me is angry that he got it for me because I will always have that reminder. The other part of me sees the significance of the picture and is gretful beyond written or verbal expression.

It is a photo called "Hard Work." The photo shows only the work horse. In it you see struggle, determination, and tiredness. Upon further examination of the photo, you see that the horse has a singular focus (with no blinders), there is no master, no whip, and the reins are loose. President Corbridge once said, "The Lord does not hold us tightly. It is amazing the latitude that we are given."

The photo also stands as a symbol of the Fourth Missionary. Someone who is the Fourth Missionary has total surrender. He is more than a servant, he is a disciple of Christ. This person knows who they are and where they are going, with no force being given from behind.

"Sacrifice and consecration are very similar, but they are different," said President. "When you consecrate, you give yourself to the Lord."

The Fourth Missionary gives everything over to the Lord: his heart, his mind, his might. He has faith and courage. He is immediately and exactly obedient. "The good that you have done will not change who you are unless you have obedience," President said. "All of our blessings are predicated upon laws."

Now, he is not to be put on a pedestal. He is not perfect and he has his issues. But, what sets him apart is that predominantly his & the Lord's desires are the same.

"If you continue to stay active in the Church, the Lord will continually pull you out of your comfort zone," President said. "If He did not, we would never learn charity."

We must reach breaking points without breaking. We must have the vision, for in the end our greatest work will be who we are.

— Do you have a plan for who you want to become one day?
— Who do you want to be?
— When you are standing alone with nothing of the world around you, in a sense naked, who will you be?
— What kind of person are you now? and where do you want to go from here to become the end result?
"If your whole life is snowboarding and Nintendo, who will you be in the end?"

In life, there will always be things that happen and you do not plan for them. And when that stuff happens, it is to give you an opportunity to respond appropriately. "Saints and angels are made out of suffering," said President Spencer W. Kimball. Those who sacrifice most to follow Christ are the ones who will be changed most by Christ.

"If it is hard for you, know that your redemption, your salvation, is built out of this hardness," said President. "When pain, adversity, and sacrifice come knocking at your door don't run away. Open the door and ask them what they want to teach you. You don't have to make room for them, but learn as much as quick as you can, and then close the door!"

Adversity can be our great friend. Perfection requires time. We must sustain obedience over a lifetime. Time is essential. The City of Enoch was sustained in the process of time.

The more the exact obedience, sustained over the longer period of time, against the greatest adversity, the greater the end result. You never know when you can change, or be changed, in a moment. Keep the light on. Look for the "sparks of light." These moments are worth more than all of the other stuff we do.

Now, as you work all of this into your life, your walls must come down. Tonight I said I was tired of building walls, and I believe it now. I know it's going to be difficult. But it is something that must happen so that I can fully open my heart to God and that 'someone' He has prepared for me.

In a sense I feel like a little sea urchin who can no longer be confined within the walls of the shell where I am. So, the Lord is pulling me out of it and I am completely vulnerable to elements around me. I know that I will eventually find another 'safe haven' where I am comfortable, and I know I will grow out of it and the Lord will once again pull me out of it.

Today, I stood at a crossroads. I have stood here before. There are many times when my chosen path has taken me away from the world. And today, I choose once again to be the Fourth Missionary. Today, I chose to seek the fourth missionary as my companion.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

It was the moment I waited for; then I realized it is not what I wanted at all. Today, I choose to take the road less traveled by, and I know it will make all the difference.