My first experience came when someone said, "Oh, I'll just call one of my girls..." You what??? One of your girls? Elder Jeffery R. Holland in his book Of Souls, Symbols, and Sacraments said,
"In this matter of counterfeit intimacy and deceptive gratification I express particular caution to the men who hear this message. I have heard all my life that it is the young woman who has to assume the responsibility for controlling the limits of intimacy in courtship because a young man cannot. Seldom have I heard any point made about this subject that makes me more disappointed than that. What kind of man is he? What priesthood, or power, or strength, or self-control does this man have that lets him develop in society, grow to the age of mature accountability, perhaps even pursue a university education, and prepare to affect the future of colleges, kingdoms, and the course of the world. Yet he does not have the mental capacity or the moral will to say, "I will not do that thing." No, this sorry drug store psychology would have us say, 'I can't help myself. My glands have complete control over my life; my mind, my will, my entire future.'
"To say that a young woman in such a relationship has to bare her responsibility and that of the young man too is one of the most inappropriate suggestions I can imagine... I lay the burden squarely on the shoulders of the young man. For our purposes, probably a priesthood barer, and that's where I believe God intended responsibility to be. In saying that I do not excuse young women who exercise no restraint and have not the character or conviction to demand intimacy in its rightful role.
"Indeed, most tragically, it is the young woman who is most often the victim. It is the young woman who most often suffers the greatest pain. It is the young woman who most often feels used and abused and terribly unclean. And for that imposed uncleanliness the man, as well as the woman, will pay as surely as the sun sets and the rivers run to the sea."
I made a decision at that time that I never wanted to be one of anyone's "girls", and any girl who allows herself to be is stupid and needs to learn to love the girl in the glass; and any boy who has "girls" does not respect the office of his priesthood, nor himself. The temporary gratification is not worth the long term heartache.
"People who love each other will never endanger one another's happiness and safety in exchange for temporary personal pleasure... Never treat him or her as an object to be used for lustful desires" (True to the Faith, 29,32).
I had always heard people talk about it and I knew it was part of this person's life. But for some reason, those three words at that moment in time made me sick and it hit me like a ton of bricks. In that moment I took an introspective look and asked myself if I truly valued who I was.
Realizing that I knew my answer, I made a promise to myself that if I couldn't have all of the person I was dating, I didn't want any part of it. I am not a frivolous girl who can be used and then tossed aside. I am a daughter of God and I deserve to be treated as such and any man who cannot give me that doesn't deserve even the smallest part of me.
Boys who cannot control their carnal nature will pay the price. Jacob wrote,
"For behold, I, the Lord, have seen the sorrow, and heard the mourning of the daughters of my people in the land of Jerusalem, yea, and in all the lands of my people, because of the wickedness and aabominations of their bhusbands.
"And I will not suffer, saith the Lord of Hosts, that the cries of the fair daughters of this people, which I have led out of the land of Jerusalem, shall come up unto me against the men of my people, saith the Lord of Hosts" (Jacob 2:31-32).
Another young man is slowly destroying the character of a loved one because he cannot accept responsibility for his actions. Rather than taking responsibility for not wanting to commit to his relationship, he lies to his family and tells them it is her fault.
I want to pull out my claws and tear his eyes out, but I know this is not something I can do for her because she has made her decisions and will have to live with the consequences of them. But his lack of willingness to be accountable for his actions angers me, and I find myself surrounded with many like him.
My third example comes from a short encounter Sunday. A young man I have been cultivating for a few months asked if I would be home so he could return something, and I told him I wouldn't be. Then for some unknown reason I invited him over for dinner since he lives alone.
Rather than just saying, "No thank you" I got the haughty response of, "Don't count on it. I won't be there." WOW! I didn't ask him to marry me or meet the family... I was floored. Rejection at its finest...
I determined in that moment that all my cultivation efforts will cease and desist at that very moment. That put me over the top for male encounters for a good long while.
President Gordon B. Hinckley said, The priesthood "shall have a governing responsibility to provide for, to protect, to strengthen and shield the wife. Any man who belittles or abuses or terrorizes, or who rules in unrighteousness, will deserve and, I believe, receive the reprimand of a just God who is the Eternal Father of both His sons and daughters."
The hearts of God's daughters are not to be trifled with; we are not to be disrespected; and most certainly we are not second class citizens in the kingdom of God. No man who understands this important part of the gospel would treat a girl less. It is the boys who are still immature in the knowledge of how important women are who have "girls", who verbally demean them, and who cannot say kind things.
Is there a man out there who understands and respects his priesthood? And most importantly the daughters of God?
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