Control

Where so many hours have been spent in convincing myself that I am right, is there not some reason to fear I may be wrong?

Jane Austen (1775-1817)

What is it about this life that allows us to think that we can have a sense of control? Do we really have any? Are we subject to the vast universe all around us? What makes us think we are in control?

Having experienced some things growing up, I have striven to have control over that which I can. School, sports, church, etc. As a result I formed a very red personality, with blue undertones. Now, this can be good and it can also be bad... I naturally fall into leadership patterns and I formed somewhat of a male personality that has gotten me into some trouble here and there.

I am very headstrong in many aspects of my life, but there come times when I allow passivity to take over. When I know what I want, I fight for it. I do everything I need to do to get there. Now, on the other hand there are times when I am not so sure what I want, or there is something I crave to have in my life, and thus the passivity to gain said thing. I have trained myself in the art of conversation to get what I want while the other person thinks they are making the decision (maybe I shouldn't be writing that...), or I create a presentation in such a way that others see what I want and desire the same thing. Having said that, I am not sure if it's a blessing or a challenge to overcome.

A friend posted some wonderful insights that brought some clarity to my head. Too often we allow emotion to overtake us when in fact we should be looking for the confirmation of the Holy Ghost. She wrote, "When Joseph Smith saw God the Father and Jesus Christ in answer to his prayer, that confirmation changed the will of his life. Every thing he did from then on out was dependent on that first version, that is commitment, that is conversion, that is true stability, that is what the holy ghost can do to us when we go to the lord with real intent. GIVES CLARITY IN A WAY LOVE CANNOT... But on the other hand when we try to live our lives without confirmation by the Holy Ghost, the shifting values creep in, weariness, inconsistencies blurs our vision, and we are enveloped in insecurities that stop our progression. WE can never truly commit to that significant other, to that job, to that choice. There is no safety net when there is no confirmation. Confirmation increases trust and secures of hearts to know we can carry out our choices. When you just know!"

It is the confirmation that allows us to have a certain degree of control as we give our will over to Heavenly Father and allow him to shape us as the clay on the potters wheel. Only when we give our will up for that of what Heavenly Father wants for us can we truly be happy and understand all the blessings He has in store for us. So, does control really matter? What do we do with the other 90% of our time, talents, and all the Lord has blessed us with? We are the ones blessed with agency over our lives and only we can give our will and heart to the Lord to allow him to make of us the grand creation he knows we can be.