“Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature… for the LORD seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the hearth” (1 Sam. 16:7).
Tonight we talked about this scripture at Family Home Evening. I thought back to the many experiences I have had in my life in looking beyond the outside of a person’s appearance. There are many experiences I had on my mission and after my mission.
Today I stumbled upon some e-mails I forgot I had, and I have even debated sharing this experience. It is interesting how experiences in our lives give twists and turns.
More than a year ago I encountered this person and in the short time I spent with them, I saw something different. I saw their insides and I saw them as the Lord sees them. As I got to know this person, I further understood this person and I little about how the Lord sees them.
This person once wrote me a letter and I think of how quickly the tables can turn in one’s life and how things of the past can be forgotten. I do not share these things lightly and I have debated even sharing it. But I cannot take the words from my mind and I will share only parts.
“I wish I could find more friends like you with that competence and caliber of thorough understanding of a verity friendship. But the veracity of words that you express really encourage me to be a better person which I haven’t found in too many... almost in any of my friends, which is hard to say but it’s true. Most of the people that I wish I could really be around don’t seem to have much time to be as social as I would like to be. They seem to be too busy and when they do have free time, it’s a choice of other things, which is fine, but it does bite a little bit when you want to be around them and it’s almost as if they don’t exist because they are “over-loaded” with other things in life...
“… I wonder why I do the things I do for other people when I feel like it doesn’t ever pay off. I’m not saying that I’m looking for some type of payment, but I don’t feel like people appreciate me as much as I appreciate them…”
Are the words forgotten? What does it all mean? Why did I and still do see the person underneath? Why do I feel like I am on the other side of those words now?
I grew to have such a close kindred with this person, thinking that our dreams of always being best friends would be realized; that this person was different from the rest. But in one conversation, I realized that it wouldn’t be so.
Now, I don’t share these things out of spite, but out of gaining a ken of the things, the actions, we do in our lives. By realizing that even though we feel betrayal, people are still children of God. We have to learn to forgive, and perhaps that is the greatest hurdle. Otherwise, we could be wallowing in our lives while they live care-free, unknowing to what they have left behind. This person is still a child of God and we must learn to see with our spiritual eyes, even in the most difficult of circumstances.
In the past few weeks I have had to learn to be a different kind of friend… The kind of friend who isn’t really a friend at all. And it breaks my heart… Perhaps it is because I worked so hard for the friendship.
While I have learned many things in the past little while, I wanted my friend there to talk to and share with. I wanted that person who understood who I was and who always had the right bits of wisdom to share with me. That is all I wanted was a friend, a listening ear.
But I have had to learn to be the kind of friend who isn’t really a friend… But are you really being a friend by holding on to something that isn’t there? By trying so hard, you are banging your head against a wall? By loving them too much?
Someone recently illustrated a story for me:
A dog has a litter of 12 puppies and there is one puppy who is larger than the rest. He digs in to the food and wards off the other puppies until he’s had his fill.
One day, the owner notices that this puppy is not as aggressive with the food. A few days later, the owner starts to notice ribs on the pup. As many people know, this isn’t a good sign on an animal.
The owner begins to inspect the puppy and notices there is a large cottage cheese-like infection across the pup’s throat. When the Vet inspects the puppy, a syringe pulls out a brown infection. The pup goes home with an incision so the rest of the infection can drain.
When the owner gets home, he doesn’t have the heart to put the puppy back into the kennel (where the Vet said to put him). So, the puppy gets put in a box inside the house for a few days. The pup had things pretty good. He didn’t have to fight for food; he didn’t have to ward off cold; he just had to be there.
The owner finally decides that the puppy is healthy enough to go back to the kennel. When he puts the dog down, the other puppies start to run toward him. The little puppy starts to back away and runs to the owner and tries to jump up on his lap.
Suddenly, the owner begins to see what has happened and realizes he hasn’t helped the puppy out by letting him “heal” in the house. The action actually made the puppy weaker because he didn’t have to fight for anything to gain strength.
Many times in our lives we do things because we think they are helping us; we do things that keep us in the warm box inside of the house; we think we are healing. But we ignore the heart of the matter and only look on the outward appearance.
However, if we would go out to the kennel, outside where the elements are uncontrolled, we would learn more and become stronger. Weakness is found inside the box; strength is found outside the box (outside of our comfort zone).
Learning to be the friend who isn’t a friend is hard and I don’t know how to do it. This person probably thinks I am a real snot, but I don’t know how to act toward their actions. And perhaps they don't think much of it... But I do because it's hard.
The important thing for me now, however, is to remember that girl on the lane that day. That is all I can do to move on. She is a girl with spunk and jive; a girl who doesn’t care about what others think; a girl who doesn’t have a plan and for once in her life is ok with it. She is a girl who will work so that others can look beyond what is on the outside and see the sparks of light on the inside.
My actions in life are different now. Tonight I made a pretty good idiot of myself in front of our FHE group and I didn’t really care. I smiled, I laughed, and I had a good time. I sat next to a boy who makes me laugh and feel just as care free as he does about the world.
What an amazing place this world is. For those persons who choose to share it with me, hop aboard. And for those persons who choose not to, it’s their loss in getting to know the amazing world of the girl on the lane.
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